Greetings!

I have taken an extended break from recording my life in detail so that one day when a biography is being written about me, there will be a mysterious year in the life of Erin Herburger. It has been an important mysterious year full of mysterious adventures. This year may be seen as a pivotal point in my life. I have made some important decisions about the world and have come to many conclusions.

The most important recent event has been the unfortunate injury of my tongue. A few days ago, I bit it while eating a corner brownie and I have not been able to enjoy eating since. I like to call this The Injured Tongue Diet.

It is February: the month of Love, some might say. In fact I believe those are St. Valentine's actual words, as recorded in the Nuremberg Chronicle of 1493--one year after Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
My own Valentine's day was remarkable, but it occurred back in my mysterious year, so I cannot talk about it other than to say that brushing my teeth will never be the same again.

Christmas was jolly, but also in my mysterious year.

The important thing, though, is that my birthday is in 43 days, 17 hours, and 22 minutes. The only gift I want though, is world peace.

About two weeks ago, I chose my favorite kitchen appliance. It is not the oven or the espresso maker, or even the refrigerator. In third place was the dishwasher for its exceptional promotion of laziness. In second place is the microwave for obvious reasons. However, it did not win due to its lack of integrity. I mean really, the only thing the microwave can be truly applauded for is its ability to heat water. And even then, it isn't as cute as a tea kettle.

If you were wondering, I am still majoring in Art History, and my decision to do so has been heavily influenced by the fact that Kate Middleton did the same thing. My goal in life is not to marry the prince of England, though. I have never been a real fan of England. Their breakfast tea isn't even that good.

During my mysterious year, I have met men from foreign lands. I have bid adieu to close companions. I have developed and deserted a signature shell border that I dream about to this day.

The most important decisions I have made as a result of my mysterious year are:
1. I am always right about everything, and 2. I will not cut my hair again until I have achieved Heidi Braids (Noley Thornton Heidi Braids), and this time, I am serious. Also, I told my roommate I wouldn't cut my hair until she got back from Australia.

Things

Things I did yesterday:
1. Got stabbed
2. Didn't ditch organic chemistry
3. Did important paperwork
4. Learned about Pre Columbian art history
5. Cleaned my apartment
6. Listened to a lecture by Daniel Dove
7. Ate sushi with Daniel Dove and company
8. Studied for a Greek art history test

Things I did / am doing today:
1. Wake up
2. Talk to my roommate instead of taking a shower
3. Go to the doctor
4. Buy gas
5. Study Greek art
6. Do important paperwork
7. Work at SOVA cart
8. Study Greek art
9. Learn why everyone hates America
10. Learn about Israel
11. Learn that Greek art history test isn't till next week
12. Do more important paperwork
13. Write about really cool African Mbwoolu and divination rituals
14. Go to pharmacy
15. Watch a movie in German
16. Do organic chemistry homework


Things I will do tomorrow:
1. Not ditch organic chemistry
2. Go to a Soiree

E-key!

Hey guys. I've been so busy not doing homework and stuff like that that I haven't had time to blog. Sorry. I like spending money though. That's one of the things I've discovered about myself during my self discovery this summer. I've done a lot of self discovery. Anyway, things I've purchased this summer:
1. iPhone 4
2. Orange iPhone 4 bumper
3. Fruit Ninja app for iPhone
4. Starbucks
5. Starbucks
6. Starbucks
7. Starbucks
8. Starbucks
9. Starbucks
10. Starbucks
11. See 4-10
12. See 11
13. Bring On the Wonder, by Sarah McLachlan
14. Illusion of Bliss, by Sarah McLachlan
15. New wallet!
16. That new wallet is really awesome.
17. Ice cream
18. New MacBook 2 tone pink case by incase designs
19. Starbucks
20. Starbucks

I'm about to head to my economics class. And you might think that I would be learning not to spend money. Life unemployed is really nice. I am actually really busy. I started going to therapy five days a week. I like to call it cake therapy. But I don't eat the cakes, I make them. It's really fulfilling. You could say I've found my calling in life. Cake. I love cake. I also love other things. Like expensive diamonds. That's a lie. Diamonds are the boringest of all expensive things. Besides those really big houses with boring rows of square windows. For a while, I was watching that house hunters show with the Canadian host every day. And all these people were buying these lame expensive houses that were so boring. They actually reminded me of places that mysterious murders might take place. Anyway, I was yelling at the TV. It was worse than when I play League of Legends, really.

So, dude. League of Legends is sometimes referred to as “League of Losers.” And I have to be honest. The only losers are the ones who think that. They’ve just never experience the thrill of killing Alistarbot with the W-key oil spill. Although, really, it’s probably impossible to kill him with just the W-key thing. You’d probably need your R-key thing. But it’s hard to use the R-key thing, because usually the blue bar stuff is gone. I have a problem with the blue bar stuff, even when I have my blue potions. I always forget to drink them. But I’m still the only one who ever kills towers because everybody else is busy buying boots that give them more green bar stuff even though they could just do the B-key thing. Or the D-key thing. My minions don’t even help me, but it’s not their fault they are busy killing Nunubot. Sometimes Sorakabot heals me with his magical healing powers. That’s why Sorakabot is my best friend, except that I usually am on the bottom and he’s usually on top. But everyone knows, bottom is best anyway. But my favorite guy to be is the viking, because he throws axes at people and whacks their heads off. And his green doesn’t go away as fast, which is nice. Because my D is always ALWAYS reloading. I think I’m going to play League of Legends before writing my economics paper, which is due today...

Let's See If It's Up There!

You'd be surprised how busy unemployment is. Or you might not...
Here is a list of things I have done in the week I've been out of school (also some things from before school was out):
1. Slept too much
2. Arranged a more sensible sleeping schedule. So far it's not working, because I get new family feud episodes on facebook at 1am, so I usually stay up to play those...
3. Did the dishes.
4. Clogged the bathroom sink.
5. Took a bath.
6. Cleaned EVERYTHING with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
7. Changed my desktop picture.
8. Rearranged my bedroom furniture.
9. Ordered a plush salmonella bacteria cell. I love the Internet.
10. Watched Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5, episodes 1-5.
11. Discovered Vienna Teng.
12. Discovered a delightful British comedy: Jeeves and Wooster.
13. Discovered that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is no longer available for instant viewing at netflix.com
14. Drank probably too much caffeine.
15. Began reading The Good Life, by Jay McInerney. I thought it was called The God Life when I picked it up at the library. Weird.
16. Did my laundry.
17. Told Karen, who is my aunt, via text message that I'm not getting married. She said that she likes my writing. So I guess I'm on Blogger to stay.
18. Painted my toenails.
19. Made some nice paintings.
20. Got too many A's to even count.
21. Had an extensive conversation via facebook with Ryan, who is my cousin, about how I lied and I am not in fact getting married. Ryan and I aren't facebook friends, but he says we're real life friends! Even after our epic wallpaper battle (which I won).
22. Downloaded music both legally and illegally.
23. Ate a lot of pizza.
24. Turned 20. That means you're all very old. But hey, it's not about numbers!
25. Recently reached 2480 tweets.
26. Tried on some swimming suits and decided against both anorexia and bulimia.
27. Realized that I am afraid of both silence and the dark.
28. Returned all the library books that I'd been renewing all semester.
29. Reread all the research papers that I got A's on.
30. Facebook stalked.
31. Researched the sexual orientation of Neil Patrick Harris.
32. Played my clarinet. All my neighbors were really happy.
33. Pulled some weeds and planted some flowers.
34. Started thinking in lists, due to an overdose of Family Feud. But I'm okay with that.
35. Decided to go on a picnic.
36. Decided to blog more often.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Peanut butter is a really nice food. Sometimes I eat spoonfuls of it just because I can. This is weird, because peanuts are probably the worst food I've ever tasted. Besides brussels sprouts, but normally I just avoid brussels sprouts altogether. (My roommate thinks they're good with ketchup, but I think that makes them worse. Ketchup should be reserved for delicious foods like dino-nuggets.)

Also, now that I no longer live with my parents :'( I can eat jelly by the spoonful. It's terribly unfortunate that most people have never tried this. My favorite variety is Smuckers' Strawberry Preserves, although as I'm typing this, I am eating a VERY large spoonful of Welch's Strawberry Spread. And it's really really really good.

However, you can only eat so much jelly before you realize something's missing. It's a sad fact, but a true one. If I had to pick a hero, my hero would be the man (OR WOMAN) who decided to put peanut butter and jelly together between two slices of bread. They go so well together. Almost as well as Breyer's Chocolate Crackle Ice Cream and a VERY VERY VERY large spoon. But what can you expect? Peanut butter is made from peanuts.

The point is, sometimes two things are better together than they are apart. Which is why I haven't been blogging very much lately. I've been WAY busy with a super sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What could this mean?, you say. Ready?

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Anyways, we're super excited and hope to have the wedding sometime in the summer of 2011. So look for a really awesome invitation soon... If you make it on the list. It's going to be pretty selective.

(Also, I would just like to mention that I am the jelly in the metaphor.)

It's been a long time, and I apologize. It's just that I haven't really been inspired lately to share all the details of my incredibly INCREDIBLY interesting life. Also, I've been doing dishes since November. There are some things that I've noticed about the world though. I thought it would be nice of me to share some of them with you.

1. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to order every drink possible from Starbucks.
2. I have never been in a public restroom that was entirely automatic.
3. P.E. classes are always a bad idea. For some reason, I let my roommate convince me that HES102c Pilates would be an enjoyable class to attend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at eight o'clock in the morning. And like. I knew it was going to be a miserable semester as soon as I couldn't open my assigned locker. ...I've been sharing with Hallie since January 19th, which, coincidentally, is also the day I got my very first stalker.
4. The idea of having a stalker is nice. Until he puts his stability ball next to yours. I wish he would realize how miserable 8am Pilates is and just withdraw already. Like. It's nice to know that I'm capable of having a stalker, but really. Enough is enough.
5. I ate real sushi and liked it.
6. I ate a black olive and liked it.
7. I ate 2 pieces of supreme pizza and tolerated it.
8. I suddenly become a sports fan during the Olympics, more specifically the Winter Olympics, which reminds me how strongly I feel that Canada is under appreciated in general.
9. I have a belt that is a nice salmon color, and it's reversible. Anyway, my point is that I've owned it for about 3 months now, and today is the first day that I wore the salmon side out. Also, I want you to know that I got it at the Gap Outlet store closing sale in Laughlin, Nevada for about ninety-nine cents.
10. If there's one thing about living in my own apartment that I've failed at, it's temperature regulation.
11. I am one of the few people in the world who are disciplined enough to actually follow through with an All-Night-Study-Party.
12. The best thing I've done all semester so far is eat ice cream.
13. I have matching Shampoo, Conditioner, Mousse, and Hairspray for the first time in my life! And it is just as lovely as it sounds.

Kool-Aid

There are some things you shouldn't do. Plugging your iPod into your PC, touching the paintings at the art museum, and wallpapering your house come to mind. There are things you REALLY shouldn't do, for example throw your best friend out into traffic, sneak a red sock into your neighbor's white laundry, or hide your roommate's gerbils in the dumpster. You shouldn't twitter in the third person, and you shouldn't ride your bike down the wrong side of the street.

There are things you shouldn't do. And then there are things that you just don't do.

What reminds me of my childhood:
Squirrels and marshmallows, parks, homemade bread, cookie cutters, watercolor paints, umbrellas, coats with fur lined hoods, fruit rolls, Uno and Candyland, orange and red power line marker balls, apple juice with crushed ice in plastic cups, coloring books, sandwiches cut in fourths, earrings, beaded socks, turquoise, chlorine, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Halloween, popsicles, back porches, glue guns, walk-in closets, Solitaire, basements, crabapple trees, AND KOOL-AID.

About a week ago, I drank a glass of watermelon cherry Kool-Aid, and I was immediately reminded of all these things. Of frolicking carefree down the street, riding bikes with friends after dinner, and running through the sprinklers at the end of a cul-de-sac.

Last night I got home from a full day of classes at about seven o'clock. I was exhausted; I'd stayed up till a ridiculous hour the night before studying for my German test. My hands were blistered from three hours of sculpture. I had a terrible headache. Really, I just wanted to go to sleep. I walked into the kitchen, because everybody knows you can't go to sleep without first eating a chicken wrap. So on my way to the refrigerator, I spotted the red pitcher which normally contains iced tea or Kool-Aid. Since our iced tea phase ended about 2 months ago, I thought it was pretty likely that Hallie had made Kool-Aid while I was off learning about 3 Dimensional visual fundamentals. I grabbed a glass and began pouring. It was Kool-Aid! In fact, it was the exact color of watermelon cherry. I yelled, Is this watermelon cherry Kool-Aid? Hallie said yes. Only now do I find her slight hesitation oddly suspicious.

I took a big gulp, which is the only proper way to drink Kool-Aid. I waited for the flood of lighthearted childhood memories. They never came. What thoughts came instead? Taxes. Taxes. Taxes and rent and electric bills. And stock markets, and car insurance. Credit card debt and mortgages.

Now, I admit, I know very little about these things. But I do know that that gulp of Kool-Aid effectively destroyed what happiness I had left. And I know that you do NOT make Kool-Aid with Splenda.

You may have noticed

I have remodeled my blog. Please take note of the new poll now footing every post. I appreciate your feedback, though chances are, it will have no noticeable effect on my posts. Now would be a good time to practice. I'm going to guess that most people will vote 'aggravating' on this one.

True Love

One day, I realized that Christmas is coming. Christmas is my favorite season out of all five of them. It goes Christmas, Winter, Fall, Spring, Summer. (They get progressively warmer.) There are many reasons that Christmas is my favorite of all seasons. The most obvious, I think, is that Starbucks cups turn festive. I really enjoy drinking things out of festive cups. And I appreciate the allusion to Christmas in particular with the Christmas tree-esque pattern. However, I just think that Starbucks would make more sales [to me] if a jolly Santa was featured next to the Starbucks logo.

Also, I realized that I needed a Christmas outfit. Last year, mine was really swell. I know this because I got many compliments as I walked through the airport. I do admit, it was a little ridiculous, which is what I was going for. But this year, now that I'm older and more mature, I'm going to forget the lime green and go for Christmas tree green. The red tights with silver snowflakes, though. They will not be going anywhere.

If I have one disease, it's ditching German class. If I have another, it's buying clothes / wanting to buy clothes. Usually the wanting is followed by the buying. So I found this website. GREATEST WEBSITE EVER. In fact, I will take a break from writing this to look at it for a few minutes...

Back. AND good news. The dress I purchased is still the best one, which leads me to a story.

Approximately two weeks ago, I navigated to the website: www.modcloth.com with the intent (for the first time) to purchase a dress appropriate for Christmas. Previously I had visited the site for funsies. One day, I saw the most perfect dress. I fell in love, but unfortunate circumstances kept us apart. I thought endlessly about the dress. I couldn't focus in class and I responded to things like "Wo kaufst du das Hut" with stuff like "Ich war krank." It was really terrible. My grades started dropping, and I couldn't sleep for fear of dreaming of the dress. Well, some stuff happened lalala. Anyway, I was at the site. Looking at the dress. And WHAT. Only 1 left! Luckily it was in what I believe is my size. I can't be certain, because I am not quite proficient with tape measures. So I entered my phone number, address, credit card number, and social security number. I received a confirmation email. Started following @modcloth on Twitter. Said nice things about them. Waited waited waited. Four days later, I woke up at 6am to an email from modcloth.com. Due to a GLITCH in our system, the dress you ordered is unavailable. I have refunded your money. Please shop with us again! Sincerely, The most insensitive person on the face of this planet. PLEASE SHOP WITH US AGAIN?! I don't think so. Modcloth.com, you broke up with me. On the jumbotron. At the final game of the World Series. And if that wasn't enough, you ripped my heart out. Threw it on the peanut shell covered concrete stadium floor. AND STOMPED ON IT.

So yeah. Let me please shop with you again.

Two days later, I was still wallowing. So I went to bananarepublic.com for comfort. I searched desperately and found what I believed was the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt that I had ever seen. And it's true. It was the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt that I have ever seen. I was THIS CLOSE to typing in my social security number. But if modcloth.com has taught me one thing, it's that you shouldn't give your social security number out on the first date. So I thought about it for a while. And I realized that maybe, just maybe, the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt was not what I wanted. Maybe it was just a rebound. True, it was wonderful, cranberry red, and imported silk. But it was a skirt. I didn't want a skirt. Somewhere in the tragedy that was the past few days, I had become confused. I was willing to settle. And the skirt didn't deserve that. And for that matter, neither did I. So I waited for what seemed like forever.

One day, I accidentally clicked on a Facebook ad. And where did it take me? You guessed it. double you double you double you dot modcloth dot com. I was hesitant. My first instinct was to click on the red X in the corner of the screen. The cursor was hovered right over it. But THEN. Something caught my eye. It was the cookie dough sitting on the kitchen counter. I set my computer down and went to eat some cookie dough before my roommate devoured it all. When I came back to my computer, I noticed a dress on the screen. I asked my roommate why her dress was draped over my computer.
Kidding.
No, but. There was a dress. And I knew. It was love at first sight. Again. But this time, it was real. I don't know what I was thinking trying to buy that other dress. It was nice and everything, but this dress was meant for me. It really was. And the name of the dress: Book Publishing Dress, made me all the more certain. In addition, I slowly started to realize, and admit to myself, that none of the jumbotron stuff really happened. Modcloth.com just made a mistake. A mistake any new and growing company could make. I realized that forgiveness was the answer. So, I immediately (after a brief lengthy consultation with my long-time financial advisor and mother) ordered the dress. I received a confirmation email which said that I would be receiving a tracking number upon shipment. I waited and waited. I didn't think I could handle another disappointment. Finally, yesterday, I received my tracking number. (The tracking number is essentially worthless, since all it tells me is the shipment date and the destination, which is my address.) I am waiting anxiously for the delivery of my dress / Christmas dress. But I expect that we will live happily ever after and it will always be Christmas, the end.

All about Erin.

1. On average how often to you splurge and buy something for yourself.
On average, about every time I leave my apartment.

2. What is the latest project you began/finished?
Most recently, I began a stone carving. Most recently, I finished a cardboard sculputre of my head.

3.Do you consider your house to big, to little, or just right?
I consider it just right.

4. What is your favorite outdoor chore?
My favorite outdoor chore is going indoors.

5.If you knew cigarette smoking was bad for your health but would be a weight loss tool, would you use it?
That would depend on whether or not I was already a regular smoker. Chances are, I wouldn't quit. Otherwise, chances are I wouldn't start.

6. On a road trip would you rather drive or ride?
DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE

7. What do you consider trivial pursuit?
Saving ice cream for extended periods of time.

8. How long do you watch a movie or read a book before giving up on it?
The only movies I've ever given up on are Barbershop and Jack Frost. And I watched them for an embarrassingly long time. Books, I normally don't start if I'm not planning on finishing. The Hobbit is an exception.

9. Is there a song you really love but are to embarrassed to admit because it is to racy/or not cool?
Well, there is the song Nuthin' But a G Thang by Dr. Dre, but I enjoy admitting it. So, no.

10.On a scale of 1-10 (10 extremely)how spontaneous are you?
I am in college, so 10.

11. Are you a food an/or beverage snob?
And proud of it.

12.Who/or what are you trying to control in your life?
Just everything. Not kidding.

HOW EXCITING

Dear Readers,

I have double decided that I am going to major in art history. That means I would have to double undecide before changing it. This double decision occurred when I grew some opinions and/or philosophies. Also questions. Although I'm not sure if one can grow questions... Someday (Fall of 2011), I will write a paper. A lengthy paper. Currently my plan is to start working on this paper several days before it is due. But I think we all know how that's going to work out. For example: This morning at 8am, I had a self portrait due. I have been working on it on and off for a few weeks. At about 10pm last night, I decided that I was done working on it. I went and acted like a college student for a few hours (ate cake and discussed archeological and conquest philosophy, mainly). I returned to my room planning on sleeping at about 1:30am. BUT I noticed some issues with this self portrait. I erased a little bit around the left side of my nose, and one thing led to the next. Next thing I know, it's 4:30am. Slept for an hour. Woke up. Ate some bacon and lumpy, overcooked oatmeal. The point is; I am successful as a college student. Also I excel in the department of procrastination.

So this lengthy paper that will be written in the Fall of 2011. If I had to chose a topic right now, it would likely be a lot like: Theory of Conservation, Ancient and Modern.

I'm really proud of myself. I just now wrote that title.

I would go on to write about how attitudes about the significance of created objects taken out of period and context have changed since Classical Greece.

HOW EXCITING.
And that is how I know that art history is the right decision. I say: HOW EXCITING, and you say: How exciting for you. I GUESS.

Australia. And Canada.

I am addicted to documentaries. In the past two days, I've learned about: The facts and fiction behind Angels & Demons, The Loch Ness Monster, Johnny Depp, Winona Ryder, The Free Masons, The Knights Templar, The Underground Cave Cities of Budapest, and Stalin's secret lair. I think documentaries are underrated. I think many things are underrated. I think the History Channel is underrated. I think Nessie is real. Not kidding. I think too many people forget about Canada. Because really. Why go to Mexico when there's this wonderful country just north? One time I saw this shirt that said: "Canada: America's Hat". I really think there is a lot of truth in that statement.

So far, I have been a wonderful flexitarian. I had chicken strips once. It's questionable, the amount of actual chicken I consumed, because, remember. I am a starving college student. I buy one dollar frozen meals. I ate some tofu lettuce wraps at this vegan potluck. Now would be a good time to wonder what has happened to me. 1) Potlucks haven't been the same since the time I unknowingly ATE MOLD. 2) I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, TOLERATE, OR SUPPORT THE ARTIFICIAL MEAT INDUSTRY. It's one thing to kill animals and eat them. It's another thing to say, Hey animals. We won't kill you. We'll just throw some chemicals and bean curds together and flavor it to taste like you, YOU ARE EQUAL TO BEAN CURDS. It is fundamentally wrong to destroy the dignity of animals in such a heartless way.

Anyway, I go to vegan gatherings dressed as I imagine the president of the Young Republicans' Club might. And I get immeasurable pleasure out of telling them that, not only have I not yet changed my diet in my campaign for animal rights, but also, I am allergic to animals and will not be volunteering at the animal shelter next sunday. And I have to drive my SUV to Denver next weekend, so neither will I be able to attend the sustainability fair on Wednesday.

However, I do believe that the hypothetical systematic killing of Australian budgerigars for the healing powers of their crown feathers is immoral, and I personally, will do anything it takes to end this cruelty, even if it means I have to spend a month in Australia familiarizing myself with the culture in order to better understand and contribute to the cause.

Almost Vegetarian Month 09

If you've been thinking, Erin hasn't done anything ridiculous lately! WHAAT, well, think no longer. It is officially that time of year. No. I am not referring to hat season. Which, it is. I am referring to the time of year when I feel the need to be ridiculous. Last year at about this time, you will no doubt remember the utter nonsense that was Vegan Week 08.

This time around I thought I'd go with something a bit more manageable. I present to you: Almost Vegetarian Month 09.

Vegetarian month should be easy because, really, all I have to do is give up my all time favorite foods, including but not limited to: chicken fingers, hamburgers, steak, bacon.

I decided to go for a whole month, because it is officially National Vegan Month. Vegan month was really completely out of the question. Also I decided to take baby steps this time. So for my first celebration of National Vegan Month, I will be ALMOST vegetarian. Meaning that I will in fact be wearing my leather shoes, eating chicken flavored ramen, and eating chicken fingers on occasion.

How swell would it be if I decided to be vegetarian forever?

More ridiculous adventures to come...

::EDIT::

I have been informed that the proper term for "almost vegetarian" is "flexitarian." Also, I have been informed that flexitarians are not exactly welcomed warmly by the vegetarian community. The way I see it, they should just be happy that I won't be supporting the murder of AS MANY cows this month.

I blame Twitter for my lack of blogging.

I would like to introduce you to my new place of residence. First of all, we (my roommate Hallie and I) are fairly certain that our apartment is haunted. Luckily our ghost is of the benevolent variety. (Though we're not about to get out the Ouija Board to test that theory.) Mostly he just lurks in the hallway and makes the sort of noises which urge you to look up to see if someone just walked by. Now, we don't know for sure that the ghost is male, however, in my experience (reading Harry Potter), the male ghosts are less obnoxious (not counting Peeves) and more fun (take Nearly Headless Nick for example).





Here is our welcome mat. Obviously. (Crib doesn't refer to the bed of a young child; but, here means "apartment")


This is what I like to call our "foyer." At first it was up against "parlor," but I feel that a parlor requires a grand piano, which is one thing we have not yet invested in. In reality, this "foyer" is a giant waste of space. Though it could easily be converted into a dance floor for when our classy cocktail parties get a little out of hand.


Here is our coat closet. Entirely necessary for the snowy winter months. Luckily, the floor is carpeted, so all the water will drip off our coats and soak right in. Mostly I posted this picture because I love my coats. And there's nothing that makes me happier than seeing people wearing hats lately, because if hat season is upon us, coat season is near!


This bookcase serves multiple purposes. Number one: show off highly intellectual books. Whether they've been read or not is beside the point. Number two: serve as platform for coupons to Pita Pit and Teriyaki Wok. Number three: display crabitat. If you didn't guess, "crabitat" is the scientific term for the habitat in which crabs live. We have two hermit crabs. Hallie's is named Perry. Originally Perry was Periwinkle, however, the crab turned out to be male. In hopes that the effeminate crab would not be teased in his later years, his name was changed to Perry. His original roommate was Cadmium (Cd2+ for short), however after a series of terribly unfortunate events and the ignorance of her young owners, Cadmium suffered shell theft by Perry, which soon led to death. She was buried just outside the visual arts building in a personalized coffin. A plant grows there now. Hopefully the landscapers didn't smell the bright red cube they dug up. Anyway, we decided to give Perry another chance (only after his shell was painted black with a scarlet letter) and adopted a new crab. The new crab is named Phthalocyanine (Phthalo for short) and is the most aggressive crab we could find. They are living happily and if they lived near an ocean, you could expect baby hermit crabs in the near future. Alas, they live on a bookshelf in a college apartment.


This kitchen is the site of our first fire. That's right. Recently our microwave retired from service and since, we have been adjusting to life as pioneers. One quiet night (also the title of a Pat Metheny album), we required tea. We boiled water. Tea bags were added, paper tags were left to hang out onto the burner. I imagine you can finish the story yourself.


Our plates.


And our cups. We chose to go with the labeled dishes on the off chance that we forget what to do with the contents. Not an irrational fear, because let's be honest. At this rate, we might be attending college well into our 90's.


This dining room was made immeasurably classier by the tablecloths and the $1 table King Soopers art on the wall. The beauty of having two table cloths is that they will rarely have to be washed. Two sides to each cloth times two cloths equals four sides to be used.


Surprising that the TV is off in this picture, because normally, it's playing Bridezillas or The Price is Right. I believe that the Brown Chair is my favorite piece of furniture, perhaps ever. Partly because it is the most comfortable chair I've ever been privileged to sit in. Partly because of our tumultuous past together. Brown Chair and I fell in love approximately ten years ago. Our relationship grew stronger over the next five years until we were all but inseparable. It was a fairy tale. Until one day my mom said to my dad, "Will you take that thing to the dump?" My heart shattered. I would never find another chair. Well some stuff happened, I made space for it in my bedroom, and there it resided for nearly 5 years. Now it is the featured piece of furniture in my living room. I have slowly glued my heart back together (wood glue works surprisingly well) and the bond between Brown Chair and me grows stronger with every episode of Making Over America.


Please notice the lampshade and pillows. They are the sole products of my summer. Not really.


At the end of this hall is the bathroom. Look closely and you will see me striking a pose in the mirror. Speaking of the mirror, it's most disappointing. I VERY MUCH enjoy walking down halls toward mirrors. This mirror however, is all distort-o. From a distance, you can hardly tell the reflection is of a person. Ever seen that TLC program about the world's heaviest man? Can't tell the difference between a leg and a stomach.


Our most prized possession is this shower curtain. I have learned more from this shower curtain than I ever did in 7th grade World Geography. Luckily the bathroom is so small the curtain hangs right next to the toilet (for optimal viewing).


It even has cities! My favorite so far is Ulaanbaatar, which I believe is located in Mongolia. All this talk about maps reminds me that Guam is located way over by Asia. I only know this because in addition to the 50 state quarters, I have noticed quarters honoring such places as Guam and American Samoa. (Which is nonsense. If they want quarters, they should just admit that they want to be states.) At first, like any true American, I did not know where these places were. Luckily, all I had to do was walk down the hall to the bathroom.


This smoke alarm is somewhat dysfunctional. First of all, it goes off every time someone leaves the bathroom door open after taking even a moderately steamy shower. Second, it did not go off when the tea bag caught on fire.


This is the doorway to the magical cave/bedroom of Erin.


This is my bed. Hanging on the wall is a vinyl copy of The Crane Wife, by the Decemberists. I have recently begun collecting record albums.


Here is my desk. I accomplish very little here. I find the living room floor more inspiring.


My closet is not yet quite full, which will no longer be an issue in a few weeks when I add my winter collection to my wardrobe.



So now you know.