CLASTIC!

Greetings!

2011-02-18T13:02:00.002-07:00

I have taken an extended break from recording my life in detail so that one day when a biography is being written about me, there will be a mysterious year in the life of Erin Herburger. It has been an important mysterious year full of mysterious adventures. This year may be seen as a pivotal point in my life. I have made some important decisions about the world and have come to many conclusions.

The most important recent event has been the unfortunate injury of my tongue. A few days ago, I bit it while eating a corner brownie and I have not been able to enjoy eating since. I like to call this The Injured Tongue Diet.

It is February: the month of Love, some might say. In fact I believe those are St. Valentine's actual words, as recorded in the Nuremberg Chronicle of 1493--one year after Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
My own Valentine's day was remarkable, but it occurred back in my mysterious year, so I cannot talk about it other than to say that brushing my teeth will never be the same again.

Christmas was jolly, but also in my mysterious year.

The important thing, though, is that my birthday is in 43 days, 17 hours, and 22 minutes. The only gift I want though, is world peace.

About two weeks ago, I chose my favorite kitchen appliance. It is not the oven or the espresso maker, or even the refrigerator. In third place was the dishwasher for its exceptional promotion of laziness. In second place is the microwave for obvious reasons. However, it did not win due to its lack of integrity. I mean really, the only thing the microwave can be truly applauded for is its ability to heat water. And even then, it isn't as cute as a tea kettle.

If you were wondering, I am still majoring in Art History, and my decision to do so has been heavily influenced by the fact that Kate Middleton did the same thing. My goal in life is not to marry the prince of England, though. I have never been a real fan of England. Their breakfast tea isn't even that good.

During my mysterious year, I have met men from foreign lands. I have bid adieu to close companions. I have developed and deserted a signature shell border that I dream about to this day.

The most important decisions I have made as a result of my mysterious year are:
1. I am always right about everything, and 2. I will not cut my hair again until I have achieved Heidi Braids (Noley Thornton Heidi Braids), and this time, I am serious. Also, I told my roommate I wouldn't cut my hair until she got back from Australia.

Things

2010-11-11T16:39:00.002-07:00

Things I did yesterday:
1. Got stabbed
2. Didn't ditch organic chemistry
3. Did important paperwork
4. Learned about Pre Columbian art history
5. Cleaned my apartment
6. Listened to a lecture by Daniel Dove
7. Ate sushi with Daniel Dove and company
8. Studied for a Greek art history test

Things I did / am doing today:
1. Wake up
2. Talk to my roommate instead of taking a shower
3. Go to the doctor
4. Buy gas
5. Study Greek art
6. Do important paperwork
7. Work at SOVA cart
8. Study Greek art
9. Learn why everyone hates America
10. Learn about Israel
11. Learn that Greek art history test isn't till next week
12. Do more important paperwork
13. Write about really cool African Mbwoolu and divination rituals
14. Go to pharmacy
15. Watch a movie in German
16. Do organic chemistry homework

Things I will do tomorrow:
1. Not ditch organic chemistry
2. Go to a Soiree

E-key!

2010-07-19T13:57:00.002-06:00

Hey guys. I've been so busy not doing homework and stuff like that that I haven't had time to blog. Sorry. I like spending money though. That's one of the things I've discovered about myself during my self discovery this summer. I've done a lot of self discovery. Anyway, things I've purchased this summer:
1. iPhone 4
2. Orange iPhone 4 bumper
3. Fruit Ninja app for iPhone
4. Starbucks
5. Starbucks
6. Starbucks
7. Starbucks
8. Starbucks
9. Starbucks
10. Starbucks
11. See 4-10
12. See 11
13. Bring On the Wonder, by Sarah McLachlan
14. Illusion of Bliss, by Sarah McLachlan
15. New wallet!
16. That new wallet is really awesome.
17. Ice cream
18. New MacBook 2 tone pink case by incase designs
19. Starbucks
20. Starbucks

I'm about to head to my economics class. And you might think that I would be learning not to spend money. Life unemployed is really nice. I am actually really busy. I started going to therapy five days a week. I like to call it cake therapy. But I don't eat the cakes, I make them. It's really fulfilling. You could say I've found my calling in life. Cake. I love cake. I also love other things. Like expensive diamonds. That's a lie. Diamonds are the boringest of all expensive things. Besides those really big houses with boring rows of square windows. For a while, I was watching that house hunters show with the Canadian host every day. And all these people were buying these lame expensive houses that were so boring. They actually reminded me of places that mysterious murders might take place. Anyway, I was yelling at the TV. It was worse than when I play League of Legends, really.

So, dude. League of Legends is sometimes referred to as “League of Losers.” And I have to be honest. The only losers are the ones who think that. They’ve just never experience the thrill of killing Alistarbot with the W-key oil spill. Although, really, it’s probably impossible to kill him with just the W-key thing. You’d probably need your R-key thing. But it’s hard to use the R-key thing, because usually the blue bar stuff is gone. I have a problem with the blue bar stuff, even when I have my blue potions. I always forget to drink them. But I’m still the only one who ever kills towers because everybody else is busy buying boots that give them more green bar stuff even though they could just do the B-key thing. Or the D-key thing. My minions don’t even help me, but it’s not their fault they are busy killing Nunubot. Sometimes Sorakabot heals me with his magical healing powers. That’s why Sorakabot is my best friend, except that I usually am on the bottom and he’s usually on top. But everyone knows, bottom is best anyway. But my favorite guy to be is the viking, because he throws axes at people and whacks their heads off. And his green doesn’t go away as fast, which is nice. Because my D is always ALWAYS reloading. I think I’m going to play League of Legends before writing my economics paper, which is due today...

Let's See If It's Up There!

2010-05-22T13:43:00.005-06:00

You'd be surprised how busy unemployment is. Or you might not...
Here is a list of things I have done in the week I've been out of school (also some things from before school was out):
1. Slept too much
2. Arranged a more sensible sleeping schedule. So far it's not working, because I get new family feud episodes on facebook at 1am, so I usually stay up to play those...
3. Did the dishes.
4. Clogged the bathroom sink.
5. Took a bath.
6. Cleaned EVERYTHING with Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
7. Changed my desktop picture.
8. Rearranged my bedroom furniture.
9. Ordered a plush salmonella bacteria cell. I love the Internet.
10. Watched Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 5, episodes 1-5.
11. Discovered Vienna Teng.
12. Discovered a delightful British comedy: Jeeves and Wooster.
13. Discovered that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is no longer available for instant viewing at netflix.com
14. Drank probably too much caffeine.
15. Began reading The Good Life, by Jay McInerney. I thought it was called The God Life when I picked it up at the library. Weird.
16. Did my laundry.
17. Told Karen, who is my aunt, via text message that I'm not getting married. She said that she likes my writing. So I guess I'm on Blogger to stay.
18. Painted my toenails.
19. Made some nice paintings.
20. Got too many A's to even count.
21. Had an extensive conversation via facebook with Ryan, who is my cousin, about how I lied and I am not in fact getting married. Ryan and I aren't facebook friends, but he says we're real life friends! Even after our epic wallpaper battle (which I won).
22. Downloaded music both legally and illegally.
23. Ate a lot of pizza.
24. Turned 20. That means you're all very old. But hey, it's not about numbers!
25. Recently reached 2480 tweets.
26. Tried on some swimming suits and decided against both anorexia and bulimia.
27. Realized that I am afraid of both silence and the dark.
28. Returned all the library books that I'd been renewing all semester.
29. Reread all the research papers that I got A's on.
30. Facebook stalked.
31. Researched the sexual orientation of Neil Patrick Harris.
32. Played my clarinet. All my neighbors were really happy.
33. Pulled some weeds and planted some flowers.
34. Started thinking in lists, due to an overdose of Family Feud. But I'm okay with that.
35. Decided to go on a picnic.
36. Decided to blog more often.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

2010-04-01T10:03:00.000-06:00

Peanut butter is a really nice food. Sometimes I eat spoonfuls of it just because I can. This is weird, because peanuts are probably the worst food I've ever tasted. Besides brussels sprouts, but normally I just avoid brussels sprouts altogether. (My roommate thinks they're good with ketchup, but I think that makes them worse. Ketchup should be reserved for delicious foods like dino-nuggets.)

Also, now that I no longer live with my parents :'( I can eat jelly by the spoonful. It's terribly unfortunate that most people have never tried this. My favorite variety is Smuckers' Strawberry Preserves, although as I'm typing this, I am eating a VERY large spoonful of Welch's Strawberry Spread. And it's really really really good.

However, you can only eat so much jelly before you realize something's missing. It's a sad fact, but a true one. If I had to pick a hero, my hero would be the man (OR WOMAN) who decided to put peanut butter and jelly together between two slices of bread. They go so well together. Almost as well as Breyer's Chocolate Crackle Ice Cream and a VERY VERY VERY large spoon. But what can you expect? Peanut butter is made from peanuts.

The point is, sometimes two things are better together than they are apart. Which is why I haven't been blogging very much lately. I've been WAY busy with a super sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What could this mean?, you say. Ready?

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Anyways, we're super excited and hope to have the wedding sometime in the summer of 2011. So look for a really awesome invitation soon... If you make it on the list. It's going to be pretty selective.

(Also, I would just like to mention that I am the jelly in the metaphor.)

2010-03-12T16:05:00.003-07:00

It's been a long time, and I apologize. It's just that I haven't really been inspired lately to share all the details of my incredibly INCREDIBLY interesting life. Also, I've been doing dishes since November. There are some things that I've noticed about the world though. I thought it would be nice of me to share some of them with you.

1. No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to order every drink possible from Starbucks.
2. I have never been in a public restroom that was entirely automatic.
3. P.E. classes are always a bad idea. For some reason, I let my roommate convince me that HES102c Pilates would be an enjoyable class to attend every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at eight o'clock in the morning. And like. I knew it was going to be a miserable semester as soon as I couldn't open my assigned locker. ...I've been sharing with Hallie since January 19th, which, coincidentally, is also the day I got my very first stalker.
4. The idea of having a stalker is nice. Until he puts his stability ball next to yours. I wish he would realize how miserable 8am Pilates is and just withdraw already. Like. It's nice to know that I'm capable of having a stalker, but really. Enough is enough.
5. I ate real sushi and liked it.
6. I ate a black olive and liked it.
7. I ate 2 pieces of supreme pizza and tolerated it.
8. I suddenly become a sports fan during the Olympics, more specifically the Winter Olympics, which reminds me how strongly I feel that Canada is under appreciated in general.
9. I have a belt that is a nice salmon color, and it's reversible. Anyway, my point is that I've owned it for about 3 months now, and today is the first day that I wore the salmon side out. Also, I want you to know that I got it at the Gap Outlet store closing sale in Laughlin, Nevada for about ninety-nine cents.
10. If there's one thing about living in my own apartment that I've failed at, it's temperature regulation.
11. I am one of the few people in the world who are disciplined enough to actually follow through with an All-Night-Study-Party.
12. The best thing I've done all semester so far is eat ice cream.
13. I have matching Shampoo, Conditioner, Mousse, and Hairspray for the first time in my life! And it is just as lovely as it sounds.

Kool-Aid

2009-11-19T10:03:00.011-07:00

There are some things you shouldn't do. Plugging your iPod into your PC, touching the paintings at the art museum, and wallpapering your house come to mind. There are things you REALLY shouldn't do, for example throw your best friend out into traffic, sneak a red sock into your neighbor's white laundry, or hide your roommate's gerbils in the dumpster. You shouldn't twitter in the third person, and you shouldn't ride your bike down the wrong side of the street.

There are things you shouldn't do. And then there are things that you just don't do.

What reminds me of my childhood:
Squirrels and marshmallows, parks, homemade bread, cookie cutters, watercolor paints, umbrellas, coats with fur lined hoods, fruit rolls, Uno and Candyland, orange and red power line marker balls, apple juice with crushed ice in plastic cups, coloring books, sandwiches cut in fourths, earrings, beaded socks, turquoise, chlorine, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Halloween, popsicles, back porches, glue guns, walk-in closets, Solitaire, basements, crabapple trees, AND KOOL-AID.

About a week ago, I drank a glass of watermelon cherry Kool-Aid, and I was immediately reminded of all these things. Of frolicking carefree down the street, riding bikes with friends after dinner, and running through the sprinklers at the end of a cul-de-sac.

Last night I got home from a full day of classes at about seven o'clock. I was exhausted; I'd stayed up till a ridiculous hour the night before studying for my German test. My hands were blistered from three hours of sculpture. I had a terrible headache. Really, I just wanted to go to sleep. I walked into the kitchen, because everybody knows you can't go to sleep without first eating a chicken wrap. So on my way to the refrigerator, I spotted the red pitcher which normally contains iced tea or Kool-Aid. Since our iced tea phase ended about 2 months ago, I thought it was pretty likely that Hallie had made Kool-Aid while I was off learning about 3 Dimensional visual fundamentals. I grabbed a glass and began pouring. It was Kool-Aid! In fact, it was the exact color of watermelon cherry. I yelled, Is this watermelon cherry Kool-Aid? Hallie said yes. Only now do I find her slight hesitation oddly suspicious.

I took a big gulp, which is the only proper way to drink Kool-Aid. I waited for the flood of lighthearted childhood memories. They never came. What thoughts came instead? Taxes. Taxes. Taxes and rent and electric bills. And stock markets, and car insurance. Credit card debt and mortgages.

Now, I admit, I know very little about these things. But I do know that that gulp of Kool-Aid effectively destroyed what happiness I had left. And I know that you do NOT make Kool-Aid with Splenda.

You may have noticed

2009-11-12T12:58:00.003-07:00

I have remodeled my blog. Please take note of the new poll now footing every post. I appreciate your feedback, though chances are, it will have no noticeable effect on my posts. Now would be a good time to practice. I'm going to guess that most people will vote 'aggravating' on this one.

True Love

2009-11-11T13:12:00.002-07:00

One day, I realized that Christmas is coming. Christmas is my favorite season out of all five of them. It goes Christmas, Winter, Fall, Spring, Summer. (They get progressively warmer.) There are many reasons that Christmas is my favorite of all seasons. The most obvious, I think, is that Starbucks cups turn festive. I really enjoy drinking things out of festive cups. And I appreciate the allusion to Christmas in particular with the Christmas tree-esque pattern. However, I just think that Starbucks would make more sales [to me] if a jolly Santa was featured next to the Starbucks logo.

Also, I realized that I needed a Christmas outfit. Last year, mine was really swell. I know this because I got many compliments as I walked through the airport. I do admit, it was a little ridiculous, which is what I was going for. But this year, now that I'm older and more mature, I'm going to forget the lime green and go for Christmas tree green. The red tights with silver snowflakes, though. They will not be going anywhere.

If I have one disease, it's ditching German class. If I have another, it's buying clothes / wanting to buy clothes. Usually the wanting is followed by the buying. So I found this website. GREATEST WEBSITE EVER. In fact, I will take a break from writing this to look at it for a few minutes...

Back. AND good news. The dress I purchased is still the best one, which leads me to a story.

Approximately two weeks ago, I navigated to the website: www.modcloth.com with the intent (for the first time) to purchase a dress appropriate for Christmas. Previously I had visited the site for funsies. One day, I saw the most perfect dress. I fell in love, but unfortunate circumstances kept us apart. I thought endlessly about the dress. I couldn't focus in class and I responded to things like "Wo kaufst du das Hut" with stuff like "Ich war krank." It was really terrible. My grades started dropping, and I couldn't sleep for fear of dreaming of the dress. Well, some stuff happened lalala. Anyway, I was at the site. Looking at the dress. And WHAT. Only 1 left! Luckily it was in what I believe is my size. I can't be certain, because I am not quite proficient with tape measures. So I entered my phone number, address, credit card number, and social security number. I received a confirmation email. Started following @modcloth on Twitter. Said nice things about them. Waited waited waited. Four days later, I woke up at 6am to an email from modcloth.com. Due to a GLITCH in our system, the dress you ordered is unavailable. I have refunded your money. Please shop with us again! Sincerely, The most insensitive person on the face of this planet. PLEASE SHOP WITH US AGAIN?! I don't think so. Modcloth.com, you broke up with me. On the jumbotron. At the final game of the World Series. And if that wasn't enough, you ripped my heart out. Threw it on the peanut shell covered concrete stadium floor. AND STOMPED ON IT.

So yeah. Let me please shop with you again.

Two days later, I was still wallowing. So I went to bananarepublic.com for comfort. I searched desperately and found what I believed was the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt that I had ever seen. And it's true. It was the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt that I have ever seen. I was THIS CLOSE to typing in my social security number. But if modcloth.com has taught me one thing, it's that you shouldn't give your social security number out on the first date. So I thought about it for a while. And I realized that maybe, just maybe, the most wonderful cranberry red imported silk skirt was not what I wanted. Maybe it was just a rebound. True, it was wonderful, cranberry red, and imported silk. But it was a skirt. I didn't want a skirt. Somewhere in the tragedy that was the past few days, I had become confused. I was willing to settle. And the skirt didn't deserve that. And for that matter, neither did I. So I waited for what seemed like forever.

One day, I accidentally clicked on a Facebook ad. And where did it take me? You guessed it. double you double you double you dot modcloth dot com. I was hesitant. My first instinct was to click on the red X in the corner of the screen. The cursor was hovered right over it. But THEN. Something caught my eye. It was the cookie dough sitting on the kitchen counter. I set my computer down and went to eat some cookie dough before my roommate devoured it all. When I came back to my computer, I noticed a dress on the screen. I asked my roommate why her dress was draped over my computer.
Kidding.
No, but. There was a dress. And I knew. It was love at first sight. Again. But this time, it was real. I don't know what I was thinking trying to buy that other dress. It was nice and everything, but this dress was meant for me. It really was. And the name of the dress: Book Publishing Dress, made me all the more certain. In addition, I slowly started to realize, and admit to myself, that none of the jumbotron stuff really happened. Modcloth.com just made a mistake. A mistake any new and growing company could make. I realized that forgiveness was the answer. So, I immediately (after a ~~brief~~ lengthy consultation with my long-time financial advisor and mother) ordered the dress. I received a confirmation email which said that I would be receiving a tracking number upon shipment. I waited and waited. I didn't think I could handle another disappointment. Finally, yesterday, I received my tracking number. (The tracking number is essentially worthless, since all it tells me is the shipment date and the destination, which is my address.) I am waiting anxiously for the delivery of my dress / Christmas dress. But I expect that we will live happily ever after and it will always be Christmas, the end.

All about Erin.

2009-10-08T21:40:00.002-06:00

1. On average how often to you splurge and buy something for yourself.
On average, about every time I leave my apartment.

2. What is the latest project you began/finished?
Most recently, I began a stone carving. Most recently, I finished a cardboard sculputre of my head.

3.Do you consider your house to big, to little, or just right?
I consider it just right.

4. What is your favorite outdoor chore?
My favorite outdoor chore is going indoors.

5.If you knew cigarette smoking was bad for your health but would be a weight loss tool, would you use it?
That would depend on whether or not I was already a regular smoker. Chances are, I wouldn't quit. Otherwise, chances are I wouldn't start.

6. On a road trip would you rather drive or ride?
DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE

7. What do you consider trivial pursuit?
Saving ice cream for extended periods of time.

8. How long do you watch a movie or read a book before giving up on it?
The only movies I've ever given up on are Barbershop and Jack Frost. And I watched them for an embarrassingly long time. Books, I normally don't start if I'm not planning on finishing. The Hobbit is an exception.

9. Is there a song you really love but are to embarrassed to admit because it is to racy/or not cool?
Well, there is the song Nuthin' But a G Thang by Dr. Dre, but I enjoy admitting it. So, no.

10.On a scale of 1-10 (10 extremely)how spontaneous are you?
I am in college, so 10.

11. Are you a food an/or beverage snob?
And proud of it.

12.Who/or what are you trying to control in your life?
Just everything. Not kidding.

HOW EXCITING

2009-10-02T10:09:00.002-06:00

Dear Readers,

I have double decided that I am going to major in art history. That means I would have to double undecide before changing it. This double decision occurred when I grew some opinions and/or philosophies. Also questions. Although I'm not sure if one can grow questions... Someday (Fall of 2011), I will write a paper. A lengthy paper. Currently my plan is to start working on this paper several days before it is due. But I think we all know how that's going to work out. For example: This morning at 8am, I had a self portrait due. I have been working on it on and off for a few weeks. At about 10pm last night, I decided that I was done working on it. I went and acted like a college student for a few hours (ate cake and discussed archeological and conquest philosophy, mainly). I returned to my room planning on sleeping at about 1:30am. BUT I noticed some issues with this self portrait. I erased a little bit around the left side of my nose, and one thing led to the next. Next thing I know, it's 4:30am. Slept for an hour. Woke up. Ate some bacon and lumpy, overcooked oatmeal. The point is; I am successful as a college student. Also I excel in the department of procrastination.

So this lengthy paper that will be written in the Fall of 2011. If I had to chose a topic right now, it would likely be a lot like: Theory of Conservation, Ancient and Modern.

I'm really proud of myself. I just now wrote that title.

I would go on to write about how attitudes about the significance of created objects taken out of period and context have changed since Classical Greece.

HOW EXCITING.
And that is how I know that art history is the right decision. I say: HOW EXCITING, and you say: How exciting for you. I GUESS.

Australia. And Canada.

2009-09-21T19:48:00.003-06:00

I am addicted to documentaries. In the past two days, I've learned about: The facts and fiction behind Angels & Demons, The Loch Ness Monster, Johnny Depp, Winona Ryder, The Free Masons, The Knights Templar, The Underground Cave Cities of Budapest, and Stalin's secret lair. I think documentaries are underrated. I think many things are underrated. I think the History Channel is underrated. I think Nessie is real. Not kidding. I think too many people forget about Canada. Because really. Why go to Mexico when there's this wonderful country just north? One time I saw this shirt that said: "Canada: America's Hat". I really think there is a lot of truth in that statement.

So far, I have been a wonderful flexitarian. I had chicken strips once. It's questionable, the amount of actual chicken I consumed, because, remember. I am a starving college student. I buy one dollar frozen meals. I ate some tofu lettuce wraps at this vegan potluck. Now would be a good time to wonder what has happened to me. 1) Potlucks haven't been the same since the time I unknowingly ATE MOLD. 2) I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, TOLERATE, OR SUPPORT THE ARTIFICIAL MEAT INDUSTRY. It's one thing to kill animals and eat them. It's another thing to say, Hey animals. We won't kill you. We'll just throw some chemicals and bean curds together and flavor it to taste like you, YOU ARE EQUAL TO BEAN CURDS. It is fundamentally wrong to destroy the dignity of animals in such a heartless way.

Anyway, I go to vegan gatherings dressed as I imagine the president of the Young Republicans' Club might. And I get immeasurable pleasure out of telling them that, not only have I not yet changed my diet in my campaign for animal rights, but also, I am allergic to animals and will not be volunteering at the animal shelter next sunday. And I have to drive my SUV to Denver next weekend, so neither will I be able to attend the sustainability fair on Wednesday.

However, I do believe that the hypothetical systematic killing of Australian budgerigars for the healing powers of their crown feathers is immoral, and I personally, will do anything it takes to end this cruelty, even if it means I have to spend a month in Australia familiarizing myself with the culture in order to better understand and contribute to the cause.

Almost Vegetarian Month 09

2009-09-08T14:07:00.001-06:00

If you've been thinking, Erin hasn't done anything ridiculous lately! WHAAT, well, think no longer. It is officially that time of year. No. I am not referring to hat season. Which, it is. I am referring to the time of year when I feel the need to be ridiculous. Last year at about this time, you will no doubt remember the utter nonsense that was Vegan Week 08.

This time around I thought I'd go with something a bit more manageable. I present to you: Almost Vegetarian Month 09.

Vegetarian month should be easy because, really, all I have to do is give up my all time favorite foods, including but not limited to: chicken fingers, hamburgers, steak, bacon.

I decided to go for a whole month, because it is officially National Vegan Month. Vegan month was really completely out of the question. Also I decided to take baby steps this time. So for my first celebration of National Vegan Month, I will be ALMOST vegetarian. Meaning that I will in fact be wearing my leather shoes, eating chicken flavored ramen, and eating chicken fingers on occasion.

How swell would it be if I decided to be vegetarian forever?

More ridiculous adventures to come...

::EDIT::

I have been informed that the proper term for "almost vegetarian" is "flexitarian." Also, I have been informed that flexitarians are not exactly welcomed warmly by the vegetarian community. The way I see it, they should just be happy that I won't be supporting the murder of AS MANY cows this month.

I blame Twitter for my lack of blogging.

2009-09-06T16:28:00.006-06:00

I would like to introduce you to my new place of residence. First of all, we (my roommate Hallie and I) are fairly certain that our apartment is haunted. Luckily our ghost is of the benevolent variety. (Though we're not about to get out the Ouija Board to test that theory.) Mostly he just lurks in the hallway and makes the sort of noises which urge you to look up to see if someone just walked by. Now, we don't know for sure that the ghost is male, however, in my experience (reading Harry Potter), the male ghosts are less obnoxious (not counting Peeves) and more fun (take Nearly Headless Nick for example).

Here is our welcome mat. Obviously. (Crib doesn't refer to the bed of a young child; but, here means "apartment")

This is what I like to call our "foyer." At first it was up against "parlor," but I feel that a parlor requires a grand piano, which is one thing we have not yet invested in. In reality, this "foyer" is a giant waste of space. Though it could easily be converted into a dance floor for when our classy cocktail parties get a little out of hand.

Here is our coat closet. Entirely necessary for the snowy winter months. Luckily, the floor is carpeted, so all the water will drip off our coats and soak right in. Mostly I posted this picture because I love my coats. And there's nothing that makes me happier than seeing people wearing hats lately, because if hat season is upon us, coat season is near!

This bookcase serves multiple purposes. Number one: show off highly intellectual books. Whether they've been read or not is beside the point. Number two: serve as platform for coupons to Pita Pit and Teriyaki Wok. Number three: display crabitat. If you didn't guess, "crabitat" is the scientific term for the habitat in which crabs live. We have two hermit crabs. Hallie's is named Perry. Originally Perry was Periwinkle, however, the crab turned out to be male. In hopes that the effeminate crab would not be teased in his later years, his name was changed to Perry. His original roommate was Cadmium (Cd2+ for short), however after a series of terribly unfortunate events and the ignorance of her young owners, Cadmium suffered shell theft by Perry, which soon led to death. She was buried just outside the visual arts building in a personalized coffin. A plant grows there now. Hopefully the landscapers didn't smell the bright red cube they dug up. Anyway, we decided to give Perry another chance (only after his shell was painted black with a scarlet letter) and adopted a new crab. The new crab is named Phthalocyanine (Phthalo for short) and is the most aggressive crab we could find. They are living happily and if they lived near an ocean, you could expect baby hermit crabs in the near future. Alas, they live on a bookshelf in a college apartment.

This kitchen is the site of our first fire. That's right. Recently our microwave retired from service and since, we have been adjusting to life as pioneers. One quiet night (also the title of a Pat Metheny album), we required tea. We boiled water. Tea bags were added, paper tags were left to hang out onto the burner. I imagine you can finish the story yourself.

Our plates.

And our cups. We chose to go with the labeled dishes on the off chance that we forget what to do with the contents. Not an irrational fear, because let's be honest. At this rate, we might be attending college well into our 90's.

This dining room was made immeasurably classier by the tablecloths and the $1 table King Soopers art on the wall. The beauty of having two table cloths is that they will rarely have to be washed. Two sides to each cloth times two cloths equals four sides to be used.

Surprising that the TV is off in this picture, because normally, it's playing Bridezillas or The Price is Right. I believe that the Brown Chair is my favorite piece of furniture, perhaps ever. Partly because it is the most comfortable chair I've ever been privileged to sit in. Partly because of our tumultuous past together. Brown Chair and I fell in love approximately ten years ago. Our relationship grew stronger over the next five years until we were all but inseparable. It was a fairy tale. Until one day my mom said to my dad, "Will you take that thing to the dump?" My heart shattered. I would never find another chair. Well some stuff happened, I made space for it in my bedroom, and there it resided for nearly 5 years. Now it is the featured piece of furniture in my living room. I have slowly glued my heart back together (wood glue works surprisingly well) and the bond between Brown Chair and me grows stronger with every episode of Making Over America.

Please notice the lampshade and pillows. They are the sole products of my summer. Not really.

At the end of this hall is the bathroom. Look closely and you will see me striking a pose in the mirror. Speaking of the mirror, it's most disappointing. I VERY MUCH enjoy walking down halls toward mirrors. This mirror however, is all distort-o. From a distance, you can hardly tell the reflection is of a person. Ever seen that TLC program about the world's heaviest man? Can't tell the difference between a leg and a stomach.

Our most prized possession is this shower curtain. I have learned more from this shower curtain than I ever did in 7th grade World Geography. Luckily the bathroom is so small the curtain hangs right next to the toilet (for optimal viewing).

It even has cities! My favorite so far is Ulaanbaatar, which I believe is located in Mongolia. All this talk about maps reminds me that Guam is located way over by Asia. I only know this because in addition to the 50 state quarters, I have noticed quarters honoring such places as Guam and American Samoa. (Which is nonsense. If they want quarters, they should just admit that they want to be states.) At first, like any true American, I did not know where these places were. Luckily, all I had to do was walk down the hall to the bathroom.

This smoke alarm is somewhat dysfunctional. First of all, it goes off every time someone leaves the bathroom door open after taking even a moderately steamy shower. Second, it did not go off when the tea bag caught on fire.

This is the doorway to the magical cave/bedroom of Erin.

This is my bed. Hanging on the wall is a vinyl copy of The Crane Wife, by the Decemberists. I have recently begun collecting record albums.

Here is my desk. I accomplish very little here. I find the living room floor more inspiring.

My closet is not yet quite full, which will no longer be an issue in a few weeks when I add my winter collection to my wardrobe.

So now you know.

When I Grow Up

2009-08-12T21:09:00.004-06:00

So far, The Wonders of the Invisible World is actually about a gay guy who adopted his cocaine addict sister's son because she was required by law to go to rehab. They eat breakfast at the Howard Johnson's down the street and listen to a Barney tape constantly. So. My prediction was fairly accurate.

I saw this man driving down the street and he was old. He was driving a sea green Suburban. And his left turn signal was on for at least 5 miles before he turned right. But he was listening to Beck. I want to be him when I grow up. Except the girl version. And with a better car.

This terrible thing happened to me. I got some new jeans the other day and I love them. They're straight leg jeans. Remember when I was worried about wearing cut offs with neon tights? Well, I'm officially one step closer. Well--I took a step toward what I swore I'd never wear anyway. I think they're contenders for Greatest Pair Of Jeans Erin Herburger Has Ever Owned. In fact, I wore them all day today despite the equatorial weather. And if that's not proof enough of my love;

I used my fancy new parallel parking skills to park for free downtown (BETWEEN TWO CARS). (Passersby were duly impressed.) Saved myself THREE DOLLARS. (Bought a four dollar Starbucks drink on the way home.) Had to walk ONE MILE to place of employment. UP HILL BOTH WAYS. Did not receive a parking ticket.

Overall, a successful day.

Pink Parakeets

2009-08-07T21:45:00.007-06:00

I realize that I haven't read as many books this summer as I could have. I must've spent too much time watching The Price Is Right, which is oddly unfulfilling now that Drew Carey is the host. When Bob Barker was host, you just knew that anything was possible.

I have, however, finished a few wonderful books. Most recently: Model Behavior, by Jay McInerney. This is a book that I do not recommend. It was a wonderful book. Jay McInerney's grocery lists are probably better than than anything I've ever written. And let's face it; that's saying a lot. I don't recommend his books, because they're about blow. (That means cocaine.) Okay, they're not, but there are references. And that is just not the wholesome kind of material anyone should be reading.

I'm am about to start The Wonders Of The Invisible World, by David Gates. This is a book about grass. The kind that grows in your front yard, of course. (Because otherwise that would be illegal.) I don't really know what it's about. I haven't even started it yet. So for all I know, it's about a young multi-racial couple that adopts an orphan away from the turmoil of a tragically communist country. Their names are probably Regina and Patrick Fitzmorris. They name their new daughter Hope. (Because they have given her new hope. And because they can't pronounce her given name.) They bring her to the farm in western Wisconsin that Patrick inherited from his wealthy Italian maternal great-grandmother. They vacation in Tahiti with Vladimir (Vladdy for short)--Regina's strictly Greek Orthodox brother who sold his Vodka distribution plant to buy a beach home, complete with native servants. They're practically the American Dream incarnated. In the beginning, Hope struggles. Culture shock mainly. She acts out at school and has trouble making friends. Her adoptive parents blame the school. They try to bring up the whole Brown V. Board thing again. But they are sincere. Some stuff happens. She graduates Pleasant Valley High School with honors. She goes on to attend Stanford and major in Mathematics and Music Theory. She graduates early and gets a job researching the mathematics of music theory. She saves a young girl's life and everybody lives happily ever after.

In other news:
Desiree: I had a slightly disturbing dream in which you were in possession of a pink parakeet. Also you had a son named Jebediah. Okay I made up the Jebediah part. Please let me know about the pink parakeet thing though. I'm considering a career in clairvoyance.

4:00 News

2009-07-25T16:00:00.002-06:00

I once read a book, which reminds me; I hope everyone's been reading, because I'm almost finished with my reading list. Anyway, I once read a book called Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant, by Ann Taylor, I believe. This book was one of those books that not even ice cream could tear me away from. That good. The sad thing is, I don't even remember exactly what it was about, other than a dysfunctional family (which, I admit, I had a bit of trouble relating to). I'm left mostly with an essence of the emotions that the very talented Ann Taylor was able to convey through nothing more than black lines on a page. THAT is magic.
I always remember this quote, though:

"I prefer to go through life as a liquid" -one of the main characters

I must say, that has got to be one of the WORST ideas ever. And here's why:

At first, I thought, Wow, what a great idea. And I tried and tried to be a liquid. I really did. I tried to let things go and flow right around the solids of the world. But after a while, I got tired of it, because solids are the ones that get what they want. They are always the same sturdy solid. And solids dictate the existence of liquids. Liquids are always confined to the spaces allotted by solids, but it takes millions of years for gallons and gallons and gallons of liquid to make a dent in a solid. So I thought, I'll be a solid. And it took much less trying, because when you are a solid, you don't have to worry about liquids. They have to worry about you. But then I realized, solids have a very difficult time making friends, because they can't get rid of that sharp corner that formed when they solidified. Other solids are afraid of being cut. So finally, I realized that the best way to go through life is as an amorphous solid.

I have known this for quite a while, but I didn't know how to put it into words until I stumbled upon the word amorphous while reading a twitter from Adam Duritz. And if you're thinking, Why, that's the lead singer of Counting Crows, you are correct. And I would like to take this opportunity to mention that I will be attending the Counting Crows / Augustana concert at Red Rocks on Wednesday.

I hope you've had a good day. I'm Erin Herburger, and from all of us at EMH News, good night.

Maybe something brilliant

2009-06-23T00:24:00.005-06:00

I have been at a terrible loss for words to describe the utter joys of frolicking through the grassy knolls of summertime unburdened by unending homework. And just as I found some, my Internet connection (service provider: Comcast) has failed me again. So I lay here on my bedroom floor typing away on my iPhone.

My iTunes backup now fills 13 DVDs. That is a fact that is a greater source of pride for me than the fact that I seem to be winning the summer book club challenge (unverified).

Summer, for some strange reason seems always to completely destroy my sleeping patterns. Something about not having class urges me to sleep till noon. Unless there is the chance for Starbucks. Honestly. What wouldn't I do for Starbucks. Starbucks and Apple.

I have been commissioned to make a painting. And by commissioned, I mean asked to make a painting free of charge, which of course I will do, because who doesn't love to hear how great they are?

I painted a bathroom. I love painting rooms. I view it as less of a fine art requiring attention to detail, and more of a vent for frustration. A philosophy my mom doesn't seem to share.

I think everyone should strive to be just like me. Not that I think the world would be a better place for it.

I think that if everyone followed their childhood dreams, the world would be a better place. I don't know about the ozone layer. Some of my childhood dreams include carrying my art supplies in plastic bags rather than my arms, but maybe that's just my 1900's upbringing speaking.

50% of my evening is dedicated to releasing moths back into the suburban wilderness of Littleton. I saved one. I have to save every one. Who am I to decide which moth lives and which moth dies. It's an ongoing internal struggle for me. Interesting fact: moths use the moon for navigation. When there's more than one bright light, they become confused and panic. They spend their short lives looking for a mate with which to pass their genes to the next generation before dying. How can you kill a panicked little insect searching for love? Think about that next time there's a moth on your wall. Not sarcasm.

Most stolen item from the art museum: pencils. Weird because, interesting fact: the erasers are removed before the pencils are placed in the gallery, because interesting fact: though graphite can be somewhat easily removed from artwork, eraser material is harmful to artwork.

Samantha finally has her accessories, including but not limited to her hat, coin purse, and locket. For those who have not heard, Samantha Parkington, the best American Girl doll has officially been archived by American Girl. Most unfortunate.

I wore this ridiculously wonderful, ridiculously bright red skirt today. I walked by this woman wearing ridiculously bright red pants today. I feel we connected in a ridiculous sort of way. In her eyes though, I could tell she understood that my implementation of ridiculously bright red was far superior. Mostly because mine billowed majestically in the gentle breeze.

Something brilliant, definitely.

Yesterday in the life of Erin:

2009-04-19T14:54:00.005-06:00

4:30 Wake up
4:31 Go back to sleep
5:30 Wake up
5:35 Read
6:01 Move iPod speakers to bathroom
6:02 Play obnoxious country music
6:03 Brush teeth
6:05 Turn shower on
6:06 Stand in front of closet thinking about what to wear
6:15 Decide what to wear
6:16 Change mind
6:17 Get in shower, sing along with obnoxious country music
6:21 Arrange all soap bottles by color, continue singing
6:22 Shampoo hair, continue singing
6:24 Condition hair, continue singing
6:26 Apply soap to face, temporarily refrain from singing
6:27 Forget to turn water temperature down, nearly burn face
6:27 Turn water temperature too low, get goose bumps
6:27 Correctly adjust water temperature, rinse face, resume singing
6:28 Take a few moments to focus on singing
6:31 Decide which soap to use
6:31 Squirt too much cucumber melon soap on spongy deal
6:31 Attempt to suck it back into the bottle
6:31 Succeed only in wasting more soap
6:31 Wash self (Physical self. Location of capital 's' Self cannot currently be pinpointed by researchers. Even if it could, chances are, cucumber melon wouldn't be appropriate.)
6:33 Sing
6:34 Try to think of reasons to stay in shower
6:34 Compare ingredients of TRESemmé shampoo and Suave shampoo
6:34 Wish you paid more attention in chemistry
6:36 Turn water off.
6:36 Reach one arm out and grab towel
6:36 Wrap self in towel and stand there
6:37 Dry off and put on bright pink velcro strappy towelly deal
6:39 Wonder why it always takes so long to get ready
6:39 Dry hair with round real boar hair brush
6:52 Decide to curl hair and wish you hadn't spent the time to dry hair so nicely
6:52 Curl hair
7:09 Get dressed
7:15 Apply make-up
7:21 Remember it's Saturday and remove some make up so as to keep up image of relaxed weekend routine
7:26 Decide to wear contacts instead of glasses
7:26 Wish you'd decided before applying make up
7:27 Put contacts in
7:28 Take out left contact
7:28 Make angry face at contact
7:28 Wash contact
7:29 Put left contact back in
7:30 Look at self
7:31 Change socks
7:31 Replace iPod speakers on desk and play the Essex Green too loudly for quiet time
7:34 Remember that painting requires eating
7:35 Begin packing backpack with food and drinks
7:36 Remove some food and drinks
7:37 Pack books about the high cross of Muiredach at Monasterboice, Ireland, just in case you need a break from painting
7:38 Remove books and decide to carry them so that you can make an effort later to walk by your art history professor with the book titles showing
7:38 Pack sketchbook, notebook, & other notebook
7:39 Decide what pens to take
7:39 Pack pens
7:39 Pack Chapstick
7:39 Remove Chapstick
7:39 Pack pink Blistex
7:39 Panic
7:39 Find keys and stop panicking
7:40 Pack ID
7:40 Pack wallet
7:40 Remove ID and wallet, put ID in wallet, repack wallet
7:41 Pack phone charger
7:41 Sit around thinking that there must be something you're forgetting
7:42 Stop caring
7:42 Sit around thinking about how hard painting is
7:44 Sit around thinking about how great painting is
7:47 Go to facebook
7:47 facebook stalk everyone you know
7:57 Receive text from Twitter
7:58 Have conversation over Twitter with Dad regarding the suitability of the weather for painting
8:10 Seriously consider the weather, decide to wear hat
8:10 Think about what hat to wear
8:11 Decide on black hat
8:11 Remember that you wore it yesterday
8:11 Decide to wear blue hat
8:11 Realize it doesn't match your outfit
8:12 Change shirt so that the hat will be appropriate
8:13 Decide to wear blue Converse
8:13 Wonder if they will get too wet
8:13 Stop wondering
8:13 Put shoes on
8:16 Microwave water for tea
8:16 Stand in front of food closet thinking about what kind of tea to make
8:17 Decide on Imperial White Peach by Celestial Seasonings
8:18 Make tea
8:19 Check backpack for keys
8:20 Put on beautiful white coat
8:21 Check backpack for keys
8:21 Put backpack on
8:21 Stand around
8:22 Take backpack off
8:22 Pack iPod speakers
8:22 Put backpack on
8:22 Grab painting supplies
8:23 Set down painting supplies
8:23 Take backpack off
8:23 Check backpack for keys
8:23 Put backpack on
8:23 Grab painting supplies
8:23 Leave room
8:23 Hope that the art building is open
8:23 Wonder why it wouldn't be
8:24 Walk across street
8:24 Hope nobody else is painting yet, so you can sing along with your music
8:25 Get to art building door
8:25 Open door
8:25 Walk across hall
8:25 Walk out other door
8:25 Hope the studio door is open
8:25 Wonder why it wouldn't be
8:25 Get to studio door
8:25 Peek around corner and see that the lights are on
8:25 Wonder who would paint at this hour on a Saturday morning
8:26 Open door
8:26 Go in
8:26 Realize that nobody's in the studio, some loser just didn't turn the lights off last night
8:27 Set up
8:32 Stand around thinking
8:33 Turn music on extra loud and dance across the room to get a water container
8:34 Decide on a Mountain High Plain Yoghurt container
8:35 Stare at painting
8:37 Keep staring at painting
8:38 Start painting
8:55 Text roommate: "I hope you're not expecting Fig Newtons when you get back Monday."
8:56 Continue painting
9:09 Look at painting from across the room
9:10 Frown
9:11 Eat some Fig Newtons
9:11 Drink some tea
9:12 Stare at painting
9:14 Start painting again
9:36 Receive text from roommate: "Well I just ate half a box of Reeces Puffs with no milk so I'm not here to judge."
9:36 Text roommate: "Awesome"
9:37 Continue painting
9:47 Receive text from roommate: "Yeah, they weren't even Fusion Puffs"
9:47 Text roommate: "Good."
9:48 Continue painting
10:22 Look at painting from across the room
10:22 Frown
10:22 Walk slowly back to painting
10:23 Repaint background
10:55 Look at painting from across the room
10:56 Don't frown
10:57 Frown
10:57 Stop frowning
10:57 Nod
10:58 Begin painting again
10:59 Stop painting
11:01 Eat some Goldfish
11:01 Drink some water
11:05 Wonder why nobody else ever paints on the weekend
11:07 Decide to read about the high cross of Muiredach
11:11 Make a wish
11:12 Get distracted and keep reading about the high cross of Muiredach
11:45 Eat some more Fig Newtons and Goldfish
11:45 Keep reading
12:01 Begin painting again
12:01 Realize your paints have dried out
12:01 Remix paints
12:13 Continue painting
12:46 Look at painting from across the room
12:47 Keep looking
12:47 Smile
12:48 Fix that spot where the shadow isn't dark enough
12:49 Look at painting from across the room
12:51 Smile
12:53 Decide to be done with the painting forever
12:53 Feel relieved
12:53 Feel sad that it's over
12:55 Pack everything.
1:09 Leave
1:15 Remove keys from backpack
1:15 Open door
1:16 Drop everything and lay down on bed
1:16 Answer some e-mails from iPhone
1:28 Organize photographs on computer
4:36 Write blog
5:03 Decide not to post blog
5:03 Decide to post blog
5:03 Decide not to post blog
5:04 Decide to go to dining hall for dinner
5:04 Grab keys
5:04 Grab ID
5:05 Decide to take book
5:05 Check pocket for keys
5:05 Open door to leave
5:06 Check pocket for keys
5:06 Close door
5:06 Remember that you forgot your iPhone
5:06 Open door
5:06 Grab iPhone
5:06 Think about grabbing headphones
5:07 Decide against it, since you will be reading
5:07 Grab them anyway, in case you get a phone call
5:07 Check pocket for keys
5:08 Leave
5:11 Check for mail
5:11 Wish more people would send you mail
5:12 Enter dining hall
5:12 Wonder why they always insist on serving cod nuggets instead of chicken nuggets
5:13 Decide to eat pizza
5:14 Wonder why the pepperoni pizza looks so gross
5:14 Settle for cheese pizza
5:14 Decide to drink iced tea instead of Sierra Mist
5:15 Sit down
5:16 Eat
5:17 Remember to read
5:17 Read/eat
5:47 Read
5:58 Discuss painting titles over Twitter with Dad pretending to be Mom
6:04 Continue reading
6:12 Decide to also eat cereal
6:14 Get cereal bowl
6:14 Fill cereal bowl with Crispy Rice
6:15 Get two packets of sugar
6:15 Add 2% milk to cereal
6:16 Walk across room with cereal
6:16 Think about inevitability that one day, you will spill your cereal everywhere
6:17 Put sugar on cereal
6:17 Eat cereal
6:18 Remember book
6:18 Read
7:09 Leave dining hall
7:12 Enter dorm room
7:12 Stand around thinking
7:15 Check facebook
7:16 Post nonsense all over facebook
7:33 Write in journal with beautiful fountain pen
9:00 Wonder why it's already 9:00
9:04 Read
9:14 Eat last two Fig Newtons
9:15 Continue reading
9:35 Decide to go to sleep
9:37 Change into all-purpose clothes
9:38 Wash face
9:40 Realize there's water all over the floor
9:41 Brush teeth
9:45 Remove socks
9:45 Put socks back on
9:45 Also put slippers on
9:46 Decide to actually keep reading
10:36 Decide to actually go to sleep
10:38 Decide to listen to The Essex Green while sleeping
10:40 Go to sleep

Approximately.

It's Now (a prize for who knows where from I stole that title)

2009-04-10T22:52:00.005-06:00

Now that I'm working on the final year of the second decade of my life, I am having what I believe would be accurately referred to as an early life crisis.
Early life, because 19 is early as compared to the average lifespan of the American female. Crisis, because as much as I like to pretend I know everything, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. (I'm open to suggestions.) (Any suggestions will be subject to ridicule.) The way I see it, I have several options. Unfortunately, I don't know what they are. They do however, all involve ice cream, frozen yogurt, or frozen custard. And Apple products. And some other non-material values, la la la.

The hardest part about having an early life crisis is that while I don't know what I will do, I also don't know what I won't do. Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I worry about the possibility that one day I will wear neon tights with cut-offs. This is a fear of mine, because near the beginning of the second decade of my life, you couldn't convince me that one day I would wear cuffed boot cut jeans with bright red flats. But here I am. Life takes some crazy turns. What are you gonna do?

I'll tell you what I do:

I spend my time falling in love with obscure indie rock artists.

I eat 59 cent microwaveable Kroger "chicken" pot pies. I spend the rest of my money buying Imperial Teen and Essex Green albums from iTunes.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

We sing out loud and off key. We talk, and we laugh, and we forget the gym. At three in the morning, some things (fresh snow cones) are just more important than that paper due at nine thirty. At ten, the A goes to who didn't smile?

I spend my time painting and repainting. And then I start a new painting. Missing whatever because I'm mixing Naples Yellow, Burnt Sienna, Quinacridone Crimson, Unbleached Titanium White, and just a touch of Cerulean Blue. Add some Ultramarine Blue (green shade) and Burnt Umber for that shadow under your nose. And I can't wait for next time.
Now tell me that's not the craziest thing you've ever heard.

Showers, sleeping in; missing class, justification. Reading, reading, reading, and writing writing.

Off the clock, tell me your story. Let me drive you home.

I spend my time exchanging life stories and stealing pieces for myself. And I know where the light switches are.
I'll buy that Okkervil River album.

There are hugs and kisses and laughs and photographs. Reading and writing and painting and drawing.
Late night cereal, midnight showers, early morning laundry, and afternoon naps [or espresso, depending on the weight of that sociology presentation].

Tomorrow? I can promise ice cream and cuffed jeans.
Let me write that down.

Books

2009-03-27T11:02:00.013-06:00

My goal is to finish one.

1. Blindness, José Saramago
2. Going After Cacciato, Tim O'Brien>
3. Waiting for Godot, Samuel Beckett
4. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies, Jared Diamond
5. Gardner's Art Through the Ages: A Global History, 13th ed., Kleiner
6. Refuge, Terry Tempest Williams
7. Broken Music, Sting
8. Anansi Boys, Neil Gaiman
9. The Wonders of the Invisible World, David Gates
10. Model Behavior, Jay McInerney
11. Meditations in Green, Stephen Wright
12. The Accidental, Ali Smith
13. Pünktchen und Anton, Erich Kästner
14. Tipperary, Frank Delaney

Life Changing Moments and Stories From the Laundry Room

2009-02-20T15:14:00.010-07:00

I will be the first to admit that I am not color blind. I can in fact distinguish between caucasian Americans and "African" Americans. And all I know is, the African variety seems to love congregating in front of the toasters and the washing machines. If only I could understand what they were saying, maybe they wouldn't be so intimidating. It turns out that you can wait another week and a half before doing your laundry. And sometimes, buttered bread is good.

These are the lessons that I will take with me when I graduate.

There are only a few events that I consider life-changing. Of course there are the little things, like the moment that I realized the inherent superiority of the Herburger Dynasty. There was the time I first let go of the world around me as I played that Richard Saucedo piece on clarinet. There was the time I went back and read through five years of journal entries and met myself.

But really? That's nothing in comparison. I can narrow it down to two moments which threatened to rip my world out from under me. The two moments that shook the foundations of my life as I knew it. Allow me to elaborate:

One.
I watched the movie Bambi when I was about four years old. A seemingly harmless movie, yes? Well. There are two parts of that movie that I distinctly remember. One of which is a cute scene involving Bambi and a silly little butterfly. The other is really just a blur of color. Reds and oranges out of place in the dark blues and greens of a disturbingly silent forest. And a sense of panic.

I never watched that movie again. Couldn't tell you why. It just never came up. The more i think about it now, the more certain I become that my long lived fear of fires and natural disasters is due largely to my comprehension of Bambi.

I can pinpoint the exact moment: I was walking down to the field one afternoon after school for marching band rehearsal. I was discussing the meaning of life with a few friends, as usual, and somehow the plot of Bambi came into play. Well, right away I interpreted it to mean that, contrary to popular belief, We are not the greatest power on Earth. Something about reverence for nature and peaceful coexistence with all life forms, la la la. Because Bambi's mother died in a forest fire, right?

Well.
You can imagine my surprise when they all turned and looked at me as if I had just told them that I was planning to wallpaper my house.
Erin, Bambi's mother was shot by a hunter.

It took me years to finally come to terms with the fact that we humans are nothing in comparison with hunters. It is not nature that is all powerful, but hunters. Men with guns.

Two.
There are two movies (other than Bambi) that I remember distinctly from my childhood. Okay four. But the only one relevant to this story is Heidi (1993). I have realized over the years, that most people have seen the Shirley Temple version of the classic. [It is a little known fact that Shirley Temple actually undermined the integrity of every film she was ever in. Take A Little Princess for example. If she even tries to portray a suffering, lonely young girl who has lost her father to a cruel, distant war and is being exploited by a horrible, bitter old headmistress, she just comes off as a spoiled little brat. Not to mention that her hair remains suspiciously curly even when she hasn't had a bath in weeks.] Noley Thornton was by far a better Heidi. And her hair was more suited to the part. If any movie could make me cry (besides Instinct), it's Heidi (1993). [Also Heidi (1937), but only because Shirley Temple was cast as the main character.]

Well my roommate braided her hair the other day. And since 1993, braids have reminded me of Heidi (Noley Thornton's Heidi). So immediately, I logged right on to YouTube to watch an illegally distributed copy of Heidi (1993).
Once again, you'll imagine my surprise when my search results appeared listing, "Heidi (1993), mini-series."

Mini-series?! MINI-SERIES?!

So my second or third favorite movie of all time was a mini-series ?! How was I to know? It was a TV recording. (That movie just isn't quite the same if you're not watching an illegal copy.) So there were, of course, commercials. But I grew up watching a commercial plagued Sound of Music, too. It was nothing unusual.

And you will, again, imagine my emotional distress when, in desperation, I researched the origins of Heidi (1993), only to discover that it is a gray area.

I may never know if Heidi (1993) was in fact a movie or a mini-series, but if college has taught me anything, bread is just as good as toast. Each is special in its own way. You just have to appreciate it for what it is.

Papers To Be Written

2009-02-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

Never Discuss the Autobahn auf Deutsch

2009-02-03T21:39:00.007-07:00

Heute hatte ich ein sehr fantastisch Tage. Na...nach acht Uhr. Um sieben hatte ich ein Vorfall mit dem Hausmeister. Ich sage immer: «Hallo!», aber gibt er immer mir ein Stirnrunzeln. :( Dann gab's ein böse Mann in der Speisesaal. Okay..vielleicht nicht böse, aber ja bedeuten. Dann ging ich zu meine Klasse, wo wir reden immer über die Frage: «Wer bin ich?». Ich finde es ganz langweilig und auch sehr dumm. Aber da gibt's ein schön Junge, so immer gehe ich. Wenn Sie Google Translator benutzen, gibt's nicht richtige Übersetzung. Ich werde nun Ihnen erklären. "Schön" bedeutet auf Englisch "beautiful". Oder...ich weiß nicht. Attraktiv? Es hört nicht so nett. DANN, nachdem ich nach Hause kam, ging ich zum Zeichnung Klasse. ABER. Es wurde storniert. Anstatt, schlief ich. Und dann aß ich. Und das ist alles.

See how it is?
That is how i feel every day in German class. Except my professor uses bigger words than me, like, "Geschirrspülmaschine" and "Höchsgeschwindigkeitsbegrenzung." Not even kidding. We spent a whole day talking, or rather listening to her talk, about the Autobahn. A most unfortunate topic to discuss in German, and not only because it gives all the boys a chance to pretend they know everything about every moving vehicle.

Does she do this every day??

2009-01-21T11:36:00.002-07:00

My paper matches my shirt. Does it get any worse?
NO, I did not plan that.
I mean, really. And it's not that my white paper matches my white shirt. No. The paper is purple. Not even purple, but periwinkle. Only now do I realize what an absolutely horrid idea purple paper is. At the time I thought I was being, oh I don't know...
An individual? Well, whatever I hoped to get out of it, I certainly got everyone's attention. And I got the matching shirt. They have to be wondering if I bought the set on sale. close out sale matching fitted shirt and legal pad sold as set 50% off
I'm sure. And what am I going to do about it now? It's the only paper I brought.

Upon closer inspection, my shirt's grey.

NOTICE:

2009-01-10T17:04:00.003-07:00

As microblogging is the is the latest in information sharing technology, I have jumped on the bandwagon and begun twittering. For those of you who feel abandoned every time my blog hasn't been recently updated, I invite you to take a look at the right of the screen to view my Twitter updates.

You don't even have to click your way to the intimidating Twitter.com. Just look right here. I've brought everything to you.

It's a boy!

2008-12-21T12:31:00.007-07:00

I feel like I need to get pregnant, just to fit in.

Perhaps a more reasonable solution would just be to eat a lot and tell people it's a boy.
The more I think about it, the better it sounds. I would have a great reason to eat as much Latino food as I want. I didn't even know I liked Latino food until last night. But as soon as I tasted my first bite of tequila lime chicken, I understood that the empty space in my heart was only due to a lack of genuine Puerto Rican cuisine.

I guess it's quite obvious by now how much I enjoyed dinner last night. Although to be fair, I must point out that the delight was largely thanks to the exceptional company.

I planned on taking pictures of the beautifully plated dishes (For those of you who watch Iron Chef America, I would argue that the plating in this instance was deserving of a 5 out of 5.), however once I took a bite, I just couldn't stop. The result is a series of photographs that I call, Full no. 6.
Bon appétit.

This is getting to be a lot like MySpace, but I'll post it, because I know you're waiting on the edges of your seats to hear about Erin the Great.

2008-11-18T14:55:00.004-07:00

What time did you get up this morning? 6.55 AM
Diamonds or pearls? neither, please. I like cheap big plastic fake jewelry. Not the pretty pretty princess kind. The classy kind. Or rocks. And by rocks, I don't mean diamonds.
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
What is your favorite TV show? 30 Rock. Or Gossip Girl. Don't judge me.
What do you usually have for breakfast? Malt-O-Meal
What is your middle name? the Great
What food do you dislike? the kind that's not ice cream or Malt-O-Meal
What is your favorite CD at moment? CDs are so 90s. This is the millennium of playlists. And my favorite playlist is New Playlist 2
What kind of car do you drive? an invisible batmobile
Favorite sandwich? OHBOY the meaty wheaty one at great harvest
What characteristic do you despise? fake blonde hair
Favorite item of clothing? underwear
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? i've got it down to about 5 countries: sweden, norway, czech republic, poland, hungary, austria, russia, egypt, afghanistan, UAE, japan, peru
Where would you retire to? i retire every night to bed. okay. sometimes every morning.
What was your most recent memorable birthday? what's the question? most recent or most memorable? ha. i was just jaykaying. um. i'm going to go with the one where i turned eighteen. because that's what everyone always says.
Favorite sport to watch? rugby
When is your birthday? nice try. i've got a free used laundry card for anyone who knows without asking.
Are you a morning person or a night person? A morning person, but only because i'm usually up at 6 in the morning finishing all the papers i've put off all semester.
What is your shoe size? a hundred
Pets? you had to ask that, didn't you. :'(
Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? yes
What did you want to be when you were little? the winner.
How are you today? i'm actually erin.
What is your favorite candy? kinder eggs
What is your favorite flower? the ones that are in the ground. and stay there.
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? i look forward to every day, because every day is a miracle. beat that
What are you listening to right now? Dido
What was the last thing you ate? A SCONE
Do you wish on stars? no. i wish at stars.
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? dark grey
How is the weather right now? summer >:O
The first person you spoke to on the phone today? a mexican guy. well. that was rather presumptuous of me. all i know is that he spoke spanish.
Favorite soft drink? tea
Favorite restaurant? oh, i can't decide. i like all of them except the mexican ones. unless they have hamburgers.
Real hair color? blonde
What was your favorite toy as a child? baby
Summer or winter? winter!
Hugs or kisses? hugs, because they're milk AND white chocolate. ;)
Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate
Coffee or tea? tea
When was the last time you cried? i was born without tear ducts.
What is under your bed? some cookies and some nutella, and some honey, and some forks
What did you do last night? i wrote some essays
What are you afraid of? i'm afraid that my hair will forever be in limbo between blonde and fake blonde
Salty or sweet? sweet, duh.
How many keys on your key ring? 3
How many years at your current job? zero million
Favorite day of the week? thursday
How many towns have you lived in? i'm going to go with four
Do you make friends easily? sometimes. i don't know. i make acquaintances quite easily.
Do you use sarcasm a lot? is that a trick question?
Do you still have your tonsils? i do. they're in a jar on my shelf.
Would you bungee jump? i might.
What is your favorite cereal? reeces puffs
Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? if i have homework.
Do you think you are strong? i think i'm really good at pretending to be.
What is the first thing you notice about people? their shoe size
Who do you miss the most? my former personality
Favorite smells? the smell of air conditioning right when you turn the car on.
Eye color? blue and brown
Do you wear contacts? YES
Scary movies or happy endings? as if those are the only two possibilities.
What is on your mouse pad? mouse pad? honestly? what century is this?
Favorite sound? the sound of the needle going through the cartilage in your ear.
What is the farthest you have been away from home? oz
Where were you born? in a hospital.

I only post these things, because I know everyone loves me.

2008-11-18T13:28:00.002-07:00

OUTSIDE MY WINDOW.....is a tree, partially blocked by the Thanksgiving decorations I've created.
I AM THINKING.....about not actually posting this.
I AM THANKFUL FOR...Apple products.
FROM THE KITCHEN....irish soda bread scones and raspberry white chocolate scones. That's right. I made scones in the student kitchen, and now I am eating them.
I AM WEARING.....a shirt that was made in Vietnam and some pants that were made in Mexico, of US fabric.
I AM READING...World Without End, by Ken Follett; and When You Are Engulfed In Flames, by David Sedaris
I AM PRAYING.... that Thursday won't happen.
I AM CREATING.....an alternate identity.
I AM HEARING.....Dido, courtesy of Apple.
AROUND THE HOUSE....when you say house, I'm going to assume you mean dorm. Around the dorm are Thanksgiving decorations, and fire hazards.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...... hmm. well, I've never really thought of myself as a materialistic person, BUT if i have to choose a thing, I choose impeccable command of the English language.
A FEW PLANS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK......I think I'll probably spend a few hours writing all the papers I've put off all semester.

My Glass

2008-11-12T17:48:00.002-07:00

We could argue forever about whether the glass is half full or half empty, but I think the more important issue is, What's in the glass?

I will tell you right now, that my glass is not half full of water.
It's half full of milk.
1% low-fat milk.

And it's a little glass. I'd say it's approximately four inches high, with a diameter of about three inches. And it's clear. It's sitting on a blue surface in the daylight, although I'm not sure if it's outside or if it's inside near a window.

It's Christmastime. It's Official.

2008-11-08T15:28:00.003-07:00

It is officially Christmastime. How do I know this? I know because Starbucks has gotten out its Christmastime cups. The beautiful red and white paper cups that bring with them the excitement of the holiday season.

Sometimes I wonder how Starbucks knows that Christmas season has begun. But generally, I just accept Starbucks as an omniscient power. Why should I question Starbucks? I don't worry, because I know Starbucks will tell me when to start thinking about autumn or Christmas or Valentine's Day or Mother's Day or Easter or summer. Starbucks's got my back. And as long as I keep pouring my money in Starbucks' general direction, I know that our relationship will remain strong.

I would have been thankful for Starbucks this Thanksgiving, but I don't think it's a holiday anymore. I don't recall any turkey decorations at Starbucks...

Mean Man

2008-11-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start off by not mentioning the election. Because that seems to be the trend around here. And by here, I mean Blogger. I must say, I was a little bit disappointed when I logged on on Wednesday morning and nobody had posted a recount of their election party.

There's a mean bald guy with a beard who works in the dining hall on some mornings. I try to eat cereal in my room when he's working, but this morning, he was hiding. So I got to the counter and I decided to order biscuits and gravy, surprise! That was sarcasm, because actually, I order biscuits and gravy every single time I eat breakfast in the dining hall.
And every single time, he smashes the biscuits on what I can only imagine is a less than clean plate and then dumps so much gravy on that I actually have to drink some of it before i can find the biscuits.
I'm sorry sir, but I think you may have mistaken me for a mean person.
Or perhaps he's jealous of my hair. I know most people are.

In other news, the apple juice machine is in working order again. The custodian, not janitor, now says good morning to me every day. I knew that if I kept it up, he would eventually have to respond. 30 Rock has at last become my favorite television program, moving The Office down to second place. I look 80% like Kate Bosworth and 76% like Cameron Diaz.

I think I'm going to send everyone a signed picture of myself for Christmas. I'm not sure how many people know this, but, I was Time Magazine's 2006 Person of the Year.

The Second Best Holiday, From A Strictly Selfish Standpoint

2008-10-30T11:16:00.004-06:00

Originally, I was going to explain why Halloween is the best holiday EVER. Why? Because let's face it. There is no other night when you get to dress up like scary things and demand free candy without giving anything in return.

Then I thought, wait. Christmas is the number one best holiday. But THEN I thought, on Christmas you have to give stuff to other people. And I know that everyone's always, oh I enjoy giving more than receiving, it gives me a warm feeling, lalala. But seriously? FREE CANDY? There are people all over the country sitting by their front doors with bowls full of candy that they don't want in their house. All you have to do is ring their doorbells (except for the angry people at the end of the cul-de-sac who's lights are off every year, without fail), and MAGIC. FREE CANDY.

Then I really started thinking. Even if I was in a generous mood, Christmas wouldn't be the best holiday. Columbus Day would be the best holiday. Yeah, people protest, oh, Columbus didn't care about the "Native Americans," if he hadn't accidentally landed his ship here, nobody ever would have killed the "American Indians," and we should blame slavery on Columbus too, and imperialism and oh, while we're at it, let's blame him for capitalism and the exploitation of both skilled and unskilled laborers, because if Columbus hadn't landed here, it would surely still be a vast wilderness free of violence, AND HOW DARE HE CALL THEM INDIANS, WHEN THEY ARE CLEARLY INDIGENOUS PEOPLE, oh let's protest Columbus Day, lalala.
When, in reality, if Columbus hadn't landed here, we might all be British people. We would use proper grammar all the time, and even if we didn't, we would sound like we were. And who knows if king whatsisface would even let us celebrate Christmas.

Therefore, Halloween is second only to Columbus Day.

I'm in a bit of a pickle this year, however. Oh, do not worry. I have a costume. I will be the Wicked Witch of the West without a green face. I think I look wonderful in black. Actually, I think everyone does. I think black is the single most beneficial color in the midst of an 'obesity epidemic.'
No. The costume is not the problem.
The problem is that I can't find anyone to go trick-or-treating with me. Apparently, in college, the cool thing to do is go to Halloween parties.
FREE CANDY, PEOPLE.
You aren't too old until they tell you you are.
I haven't missed a year since, I don't even remember. Never.

P.S. Nobody likes the houses that give out hard candy. Just a thought. If you've been wondering why your house is always the one to be egged.

Third 2008 Presidential Debate

2008-10-16T01:02:00.002-06:00

Second 2008 Presidential Debate

2008-10-08T10:04:00.003-06:00

This is what I have been looking for!

2008-10-06T17:17:00.005-06:00

Obama's and McCain's Top Ten Favorite Songs

There is quite a bit to be learned about a person from his or her favorite music. Top ten all time favorite songs (or pieces, in the case that the music is not accompanied by lyrics). These are songs that mean something to you. Songs that summarize your personal beliefs and/or worldview. Songs that got you through a difficult time in your life. Songs that demonstrate superior composition. Songs that you believe are the best. The Best. That music has to offer. And so, the ten best songs that you choose from the billions, trillions of songs that are out there must mean something extraordinary. They must be songs that give you the feeling that you are not alone in the world. Or songs that inspire you (in whatever way) to be something greater. Or even songs that make you want to sing because you can, dance because you can. Songs that make you curl your toes. Think about it. Why is that your favorite song? What images does it bring to mind. What memories? What feelings? Regrets, celebrations?

I don't think that's how the Obama and McCain campaigns approached this question. I doubt they even asked the candidates themselves to spend time thinking about it. Nonetheless, the lists say something about the types of people they're trying to represent.

I think ABBA was a good choice. It gives McCain a bit of an edge with the younger crowd, especially after the movie Mamma Mia! However, I think Neil Diamond cancels that out. I really do love ABBA, especially "Dancing Queen." I find it oddly inspiring. He listens to a lot of what I refer to as sleep music, or music that one would listen to if one was trying to fall asleep all the time, and while ABBA is an exception, most of his music would put me to sleep within the first ten seconds.

Marvin Gaye, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Aretha Franklin, and U2 are all slightly above average. If I had to listen to one Marvin Gaye song for the rest of my life, it would be "What's Going On." However, his choice from U2 doesn't seem like a choice a real U2 fan would choose. I have heard better. All of Obama's music is pretty mainstream. His list seems to be thrown together. It's a list that I would expect from someone who gets all his music from mix CDs his friends have made him. It leads me to believe that he just listens to whatever his friends give him and he doesn't make any of his own choices.

Ten Things I Am Loving Right Now

2008-10-05T18:50:00.007-06:00

(or rather, Ten Things I Always Love)

1. Erin (my iPod)
I swear, I would marry it if I could. No really.
But more specifically, I am loving my latest playlist, "New Playlist 1", which is a hybrid of "<3" and "On-The-Go 4":
Colorblind - Counting Crows
Sunken Waltz - Calexico
Amsterdam - Coldplay
Washington Square - Counting Crows
Anniversary Song - Cowboy Junkies
Angel Mine - Cowboy Junkies
Bea's Song (River Song Trilogy: Part II) - Cowboy Junkies
Grace Is Gone - Dave Matthews Band
Dancing on the (Berlin) Wall - David Lanz
Firedance - David Lanz
Amid the Falling Snow - Enya
Cleveland - Jewel
This Way - Jewel
Wishlist - Pearl Jam
I'll Take the Rain - R.E.M.
1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
Beautiful Day [live] - U2
We Are Nowhere And It's Now - Bright Eyes
The Shining - Badly Drawn Boy
The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaleson
Beautiful World - Carolina Liar
It's Oh So Quiet - Bjork
Amnesia - Chumbawamba
Is This It - The Strokes
On The Radio - Regina Spektor
Free Until They Cut Me Down - Iron & Wine
Don't Stop - Fleetwood Mac
There She Goes - The La's
Buildings & Mountains - The Republic Tigers
Fresh Feeling - Eels
Come Around - Counting Crows
Fell On Black Days - Soundgarden
Hunger Strike - Temple of the Dog
Jump Around - House Of Pain

I do feel that it was necessary to list every song.

2. Nutella
If I had to swim in a pool full of food, it would be a pool full of Nutella. If I had to swim in a pool full of gourmet food, it would be a pool full of strawberry and Nutella crêpes.

3. The hundreds of fanatical Obama supporters all over campus and my "Got a Crush on Obama" t-shirt
Why?!, you ask. Why have you become one of them?! Why have you allowed yourself to be brainwashed by the empty promises of the inexperienced liberal maniacs that are the Democratic Party?!
Well, because I figure I have to choose a side. I have to choose between the empty promises of the heartless mavericks or the empty promises of the compassionate inexperienced. An old guy and a hockey mom or a black guy and ...who's he running with? Blue is my second favorite color (after grey). That was really the deciding factor.
I really just like to get a reaction.
Also: I would just like to remind everyone that it is my generation that will be determining the outcome of the upcoming presidential election. I will be accepting bribes. (Gifts and money may be sent to 370 Braiden Hall, Fort Collins, CO 80521)

4. Tide to Go

5. A Series of Unfortunate Events (The series, not the movie.)
Because it's the single most thoughtful dissertation on the line between good and evil.
(Just to clarify: I am not being sarcastic.)

6. Binder Clips
(I think it's pretty obvious why.)

7. The ancient Egyptians
for developing the first paper-like material for writing

8. Al Gore
for inventing the Internet

9. Al Gore
for discovering global warming

10. The Founding Fathers
for creating a new form of government which has been successful for over 200 years and through various crises and still shows no indication of failing anytime soon. Also, for developing the electoral college in order to insulate the highest office in the land from the whims of the uninformed.

No Uninformed Voters, Please ;)

2008-10-03T09:58:00.002-06:00

Vegan Week 08

2008-09-25T21:09:00.011-06:00

This is more a warning than anything.
I happen to love veal. I am aware of where veal comes from:

And it was pictures like that one along with my vegetarian roommate and my desire to prove that it really is possible, that led me to change my dieting habits.
My roommate and I decided to be vegan for a week. Just seven days.

So we went shopping for vegan friendly food...

It turns out Hempmilk is better than Ricemilk. It has less of a flavor. It's also less watery.

Monday:

Kroger Brand Sugar Frosted Flakes with Ricemilk.

I'm sure it didn't taste that bad. It was just the thought of drinking dairy free milk.

I decided to go to class, and realized that all my shoes are leather. And if I was going to be vegan, I was going to be vegan. So This was my selection of shoes.

After a nice dinner of sesame noodles with almonds (for protein), we returned to our dorm room for some dairy free apple loaf (because cookies are full of animal products, which were undoubtedly taken from tortured animals).

It was not as good as it looked. And this is how I felt about it. Especially after watching everybody else in the dining hall eating chocolate chip cookies. Think of the worst disappointment you've ever felt. Apple loaf was worse.

We tried to make up for the apple loaf by eating dairy free Newman-Os, which are surprisingly good, considering the cream filling is not really cream at all. But they were dry, so we took our chances, and dipped them in hempmilk. It was not delightful, but, for what it's worth, hempmilk is Newman-O's best friend.

Tuesday:

Breakfast time! Malt-O-Meal is worthless without butter or milk, so.

On the left is Ratatouille, which is not nearly as good as it sounds. Why they named a movie after it, I couldn't tell you. Ratatouille translates (directly) to "mushy, over cooked, flavorless vegetables." On the right is more vegetables. And because I refused to add tofu to my salad, I ate 2 cups of almonds for protein.

If this looks good to you, you should probably seriously consider becoming vegan.

After a very large glass of Tang and two near vomit experiences, the Ratatouille was gone and I moved on to my salad.

Not even joking. This is exactly how Ratatouille made me feel.

Even though it wasn't that good, it was better than the vegetable patch I ate for dinner. And the cinnamon and sugar made it slightly less healthy, and therefore more appealing.

Wednesday:

I woke up hungry on Wednesday. And when I remembered that I was pretending to be vegan, I became an angry, hungry, fake vegan. It turns out that vegan is synonymous with anorexic.

I don't have a problem with people eating soy products and bean curds. But I don't understand why they insist on making it look like meat and using artificial flavoring to make it taste like (rotten) meat. And I refuse to take part in such nonsense.

You'd think that if you were starving, you'd eat anything, but I just don't believe it. I will never again eat veggie "meat." Ever.

And so...
I didn't think it would be healthy to go four and a half more days without eating.
I figured that I had already learned everything I could hope to from my vegan experience and there was no reason to continue with the torture.

Chicken has never tasted so good.

I am much more appreciative of the baby cow that was killed for my wiener schnitzel. And for the genetically altered chicken fingers I eat three times a day.
I am proud to say, I am an omnivore for life.

Your Interesting Fact For The Day

2008-09-17T13:44:00.000-06:00

In college, they use wide ruled paper.

I Should Be Paid To Write This Stuff

2008-09-10T16:54:00.000-06:00

I never thought I had an addictive personality. I mean, sure I eat Malt-O-Meal several times a day. But the only company that makes me want to give my money away is Apple. As extensive as my vocabulary (and thesaurus) is, there aren't even words to describe Apple. I would give up chocolate Malt-O-Meal for Apple.

Anyone who has typed at length on a MacBook keyboard knows that it is simply inspirational. Sometimes I sit down and copy pages from the dictionary just so I can type something. (I'm not being sarcastic.) I spend hours clicking my wireless Mighty Mouse in wonderment. And my iPod? Well I guess I've already been over that; if I could only have one thing for the rest of my life, it would be my iPod.

I just downloaded iTunes 8. And once again, Apple brightened my day. Now, iTunes will make playlists for me. I can choose a song, and iTunes will tell me what other songs would go well with it. And then it will tell me what songs I don't have that would go well with it, and I can buy them right then and there. Can you even imagine the possibilities? I'll listen to the songs in my library that I've never listened to before. I'll be introduced to artists I've never heard of; artists that I'll fall in love with. Small local bands will be introduced to global audiences. I won't have to wait for the radio to play a song I like. I won't have to wait for someone to recommend a CD.

Yes, I know that this is all a marketing strategy. But it's such a good one, I feel like Apple deserves to profit from it.

I can't think of a better use of my money than for Apple products. Except, maybe food for starving Ethiopian children. Although, honestly, if I chose to help an Ethiopian child, I would send my third generation iPod nano and replace it with a fourth generation.

I can't think of one way the world would be worse off if all Dells and HPs and other clunky, black, virus perpetuators were removed from the face of the planet.

You may be thinking Oh, but I'm just so used to using a PC that I don't think I could ever make the transition.
You know what I'm thinking? Why is everyone so intent on struggling to install new printer drivers? What is it about the never ending antivirus updates that's so appealing? Why doesn't everyone leave the dark side even after the hundredth time Ctrl+Alt+Delete freezes their computers?

You don't even have to know how to use a Mac to know how to use a Mac. You turn on your new MacBook, and suddenly it's all there. You just know. Plug in a printer, and it just works. It all just works. All the time.

And now, you're thinking, well, not everyone is as fortunate as you are, Erin. Some people can't afford to pay an additional $500 for a laptop that they don't really need anyway.

And I agree. If that extra $500 will be used to feed a starving Ethiopian child. But, chances are, it will go toward antivirus software and external webcams. It will be paid to the computer guy when the black screen shows up and the blue cursor of death blinks continuously. When you're sitting there staring into the black hole of a screen, wondering if your favorite photographs will be recovered or if they have been lost forever.

Procrastination

2008-09-04T11:45:00.000-06:00

One of the great mysteries of humankind is the appeal of the all-you-can-eat buffet.
For example:
The dining halls here are open twelve hours a day. They are all-you-can-eat. More-than-you-can-eat, really. They serve hamburgers, chicken sandwiches, various pastas, pizza, ice cream, salads, soups, fruits, even vegetables. The only aspect differentiating dining halls from buffets is the placement of the food. It's a better placement if you ask me, because the forty people in line ahead of you haven't breathed all over it before you get your food.
The dining halls are never particularly crowded. It's usually easier to sit in your dorm and eat EasyMac than to walk all the way down three flights of stairs and stand in line to get your meal card swiped by the less than enthusiastic kid at the front desk.

But for some reason, on "Buffet-Style Dining Night" there are not enough seats.

Parenthetical Statements

2008-09-02T17:12:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm officially past the making my bed every morning stage and into the oh no! I forgot breakfast stage.
Sometimes I write things just to put my mother at ease if she happens to read this. ( Hi Mom! :D )
Sometimes I write things because they're true. But, more often than not, I only write things because the words sound good together (It's a disease.). Sometimes they sound bad, but in a good way (which I much prefer to words that sound good in a not so much bad as desperately perfect way--for example, "Despotism is a legitimate mode of government in dealing with barbarians, provided the end be their improvement, and the means justified by actually effecting that end" [John Stuart Mill].* ). It's almost like wearing black shirts with brown shoes (Like, Hey! Look at me! I'm successfully defying everything you thought you knew about fashion.), which is probably my favorite thing to wear. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to do it as often, because all my clothes (except for the shirts that have become awkwardly twisted so that the seams no longer run straight down the sides) are in a pile waiting to be washed. (I don't think I'm the only one, because lately, I've noticed an increase in winter attire around campus.)

*There is nothing I would rather read in the way of Utilitarian philosophy than John Stuart Mill's On Liberty. I just feel that (Notice that I used an "I feel" statement so that regardless of what follows, it is an opinion, and therefore can not be wrong. I learned that trick way back in elementary school at the height of the Self-Esteem movement.) his writing would be more enjoyable if he used sentences like, As long as the people you govern end up in a better situation than they started in, feel free to govern however you want instead.

Perhaps I Should Try An Oak Tree Next Time?

2008-08-27T17:26:00.000-06:00

I didn't think I could call myself a real college student until I sat under a tree and read a book. It's not as comfortable as it looks in the pictures. I also didn't enjoy trying to memorize accusative and dative German articles under the tree anymore than I do in my unairconditioned dorm room. Plus, I will now be forced to do laundry a day earlier, because when I stood up, my pants were covered in dirt. In addition, it turns out that I'm still allergic to grass, even when I'm sitting under a tree, trying to be a proper college student.

Maybe my problem was that the leaves haven't yet turned golden, I didn't have a clear view of the mountains, there were no distinguished red brick campus buildings in the distance; and they were not casting long shadows in the late afternoon sun.

I'll have to try again mid-October at about 4:30pm.

370 SE

2008-08-24T19:25:00.001-06:00

Well, this is basically it. If you need to imagine me for any reason, you can imagine me in front of this backdrop.
Please notice the open book on my bed. I already have homework. I haven't even had class yet. But I guess it's okay, because it's relatively interesting.

This here is my desk/ nightstand/bookshelf/junk storage unit.

That top shelf is home to my 15 textbooks. And there's my computer! My computer is Better Than Yours. No really. That's what I named it. And my wonderful wireless Mighty Mouse is right there next to it. (Apple named it that. I didn't)

Here's my closet. See how pretty it is? I don't have enough clothing to fill it up. That means I need to buy more. See how I decorated the side? That's because I like looking at pictures.

That's my roommate's bed. And a lamp. Bugs fly into the lamp at night and we have to dump them out in the morning. Our view out the window is very nice. Very nice and green. And leafy.

This is our kitchen. Yes. Yes, that is a page from a coloring book. I colored it myself this morning. There's also a telephone there, but we don't know our phone number, so every time we look at it, it says "no calls." Next to the telephone is my favorite part of the room. Our espresso maker/milk steamer. A package of coffee flavoring syrups should be arriving in the mail for us any day now.

This is the bathroom. It may appear that I have some sort of fascination with bathrooms. After the story about the bathroom at work, and now pictures of my dorm bathroom. It's genetic.

Fan mail may be sent to:
Erin Herburger
370 Braiden Hall
Fort Collins, CO 80521

Espresso

2008-08-23T13:32:00.001-06:00

You thought I forgot about my blog!
Wrongo!
I've just been saving up my experiences for one superblogpost. And if you check back in about a day or so, it should be here in the form of several photographs of my wonderful little dorm room. (I say wonderful, because it now includes an espresso maker, which means more caffeine than you ever thought possible. Now I never need to sleep again. I believe that espresso makers are a fantastic solution to inefficiency. Why waste eight hours of your life sleeping when you can make forty shots of espresso with one slightly smaller than average size can of coffee?)

I didn't write this, but I wish I did:

2008-08-12T08:59:00.000-06:00

THE WAY I SEE IT #112
If you've got a dollar and you spend twenty-nine cents on a loaf of bread, you've got seventy-one cents left. But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend twenty-nine cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

--Steve Martin

Comedian and writer.

What You've All Been Waiting For

2008-08-08T10:47:00.000-06:00

I picked out some of the good pictures I have from Grandma Winnie's 80th birthday party, and here they are. If I left anyone out, I apologize, but some people just make better subjects than others.

I was warned that if I posted this picture of Karen, I would be excommunicated. So, I've replaced her physical expression with what I imagine is a very realistic graphic depiction of her thoughts as the guests began to arrive.

Sorry

2008-07-28T09:14:00.000-06:00

Please stay tuned for photographs of the latest Herburger gathering. They are currently in limbo between my camera and and a nice organized folder on my computer.

Meanwhile, it has come to my attention that my approach to blogging does not quite meet the expectations of my audience. I apologize for any inconvenience and/or misunderstandings that my creative and sometimes abstract interpretation of life and the society we live in may have caused. Regardless, I will carry on as usual. My only suggestion: if ever you find yourself lost in contemplation (or confusion), meditation is an extremely useful tool. Please refer to my previous post entitled "Meditation." Otherwise, I hear yoga is popular these days...

However, just for comparison, I will provide an example of a less philosophical relation of recent events. I pray that my readers will understand and agree with my ultimate decision.

Yesterday I woke up at 9.30 in the morningtime. I rather enjoy getting up earlier, so I was disappointed when I looked at my clock. I didn't feel like getting out of bed, so I read my book for three more hours. It's a pretty good book. It kind of makes me angry like the movie, Anger Management. Just because I always know what's going to happen, and I can't stop the characters from doing things. Maybe that's what the author wanted. I don't appreciate it. Then my mom came and asked if I was ever going to get dressed. I said, "I don't really have any reason to." So I took a shower and got dressed for no reason at about 2.30. It was miserably hot. Then I sat down at my computer and I caught up on Facebook. I'm really glad someone invented Facebook. Because now my friends can talk to me all the time. My English teacher posted a note on Facebook asking for advice on how to make the AP English 11 class better. My ex-best friend posted a comment that I felt was entirely self righteous, so, I posted another comment just to spite her. I admit it. Then I went downstairs and ate breakfast. I had some Reeces Puffs. I see no reason why breakfast shouldn't be a bowl full of peanutbuttery sugar. Then I went upstairs again and listened to Counting Crows. There is just something about Counting Crows that makes me feel like I'm not alone in the world. And I sat down and wrote six pages in my journal. I really like my journal, because I can go back to Volume 1 of The Adventures of Erin Herburger and see how much I've changed in the past eight years and how much I haven't. My current journal is falling apart. I love it when that happens. Because it's more real than those perfect, neat, shiny notebooks that people insist on calling journals. If that's a realistic representation of their lives, they've got nothing to write about anyway. Then I read some more. Then my butt hurt from sitting on the floor so long. I have to sit on the floor to read. Always have. So I went downstairs to make a smoothie. I started dumping fruit in the blender when my mom asked if I was going to measure it. I replied, "No." So I dumped in some frozen peaches, strawberries, and blueberries. I added some Tang, the drink of astronauts, and some yogurt for thickness. Then I added some ice because I like crunchy things in my smoothies. I drank it and then I made another one. My second one consisted of frozen strawberries, frozen peaches, Tang, and honey. And it was good, although, looking back, I would've added some ice. After that, I went back upstairs and played mahjong on my computer while listening to a playlist of the Dave Matthews Band, Counting Crows, Cowboy Junkies, and a bunch of grocery store songs (ie. I Don't Want To Wait, There She Goes). Then my mom asked what kind of pizza I wanted for dinner. And I asked her what she meant by that. Then I told her canadian bacon and pineapple. Then we ate pizza and watched this one TV show with Larry David. Larry David was not watching the TV show with us. Larry David was in the TV show. Acting. It was really funny. Then I went upstairs at about 10.30 in the nighttime and cleaned my room. Although, it wasn't so much cleaning as putting away my clothes. I really love my room in all it's greenness. That's right. I painted my walls green. And blue. And turquoise. And there's some yellow in there too. And then I decided to go to bed. So I turned on my music. The same playlist as before, only without the grocery store songs, because I find they cause awkward dreams. Use your imagination.

If you want to know what I do every day of my life, just copy and paste the above paragraph. And add in some ice cream and tacos and trips to the Apple Store once in a while.

And You Thought I Was Kidding About Drawing Sharks During History Class

2008-07-20T23:26:00.000-06:00

Click on the pictures below to view high res images of the original artwork of Erin Herburger and Sabrina Price.

Untitled No. 1

Untitled No. 2 With Shark

Untitled No. 3 With Canadian

Ode to Google

2008-07-14T10:39:00.000-06:00

I was reading an article about the partnership between Google and Yahoo!, and I started thinking about what life would be like without Google.

It may sound odd, but Google feels like a friend. Google is always there for me.

Say, for some reason, that I can't remember what Jeremy Bentham contributed to European history. I'll just Google it.

When I'm sitting in my European History class and need to draw a picture of a shark, but don't know exactly what a shark should look like, I can just send a text off to 46645, and next thing I know, I have a picture of a shark.

Google is ALWAYS there. When I am playing in the pit orchestra for a musical and need to know the atomic mass of Propanol so that I can finish my chemistry homework, all I have to do is text Google.

When I get lost on the way to a warehouse out in Aurora, Google is standing by to send me directions.

And, get this: One time, I was out on the field in the middle of marching band rehearsal, and I could not for the life of me remember how to say "Are you wearing clean underwear today?" in German. I didn't know where to turn in my time of desperation. I turned to the lead trumpet, who I knew to be studying German, but the best she could give me was: "Hast du today neue underwear on?" Eventually, I took a shot in the dark and sent a text to Google. It read, "translate are you wearing clean underwear today to german." And, less than three seconds later, I received a text from Google. With my new information, I taught the flute section how to ask our band director if he was wearing clean underwear. (Turns out he knows German..)

And where is Yahoo! during all this?
Yahoo! is my homepage. There are several reasons for this:
1) I have a yahoo.com e-mail account; not to say I like it better than gmail. (I tried switching to gmail. I set up an account, but it was just too daunting a task to inform all 106 of my contacts of my new address.)
2) There is no other site that I would turn to to get my fix of "Top 10 Best..." for the day. (Today it's Top 10 Best Places To Live)
3) Cribbage. I have a rather unhealthy addiction to the board/card game cribbage. Couldn't tell you why. Popular sentiment of the game is perfectly summed up by what Gregory said while playing one day: "Why do you like this game? It's so slow and boring, I feel like I'm in a nursing home." I can't get friends to play with me, and I don't live in close proximity to a nursing home, so often, I'm forced to play with Canadians at games.yahoo.com

Otherwise, Google's my man. I open my browser. Yahoo! pops up. I promptly highlight the URL and proceed to type www.google.com. The huge Yahoo! search bar right at the top of my homepage is as good as invisible.

Although, I once caught myself using Yahoo! search to search for Google...

I Am SO Left Handed

2008-07-09T12:11:00.000-06:00

So basically, I just started my four week intensive training program to become ambidextrous.

Along with taking notes left handed, I am brushing my teeth left handed every night. Not in the morning, because I rarely have time; it takes a good extra 30 seconds. The only problem with this new arrangement is the rise in cavities I've noticed. However, if all goes well, I will remain gum-disease free.

If my four week plan fails, my right hand will continue to suffer through the strenuous conditions I so cold-heartedly thrust upon it, which include, but are not limited to: tooth brushing, hair brushing, texting, mouse clicking, Xacto knife cutting, hello/goodbye waving, hair curling, epic novel writing, key turning, car radio controlling, food eating, telephone holding, high-five giving, masterpiece drawing, TV remote controlling, etc.

The I Hate Breyer's Club

2008-06-28T13:33:00.000-06:00

So you just spent an hour at Blockbuster searching for the perfect movie. You finally found one; not a perfect one, but it would get the job done. And then you paid $5.07 for it. Hardly worth it for a mediocre movie. But you got over it pretty fast, because what can you do?

Your gas light went on, and rather than wait for the needle to point left of E, you figured you'd fill up. $60.33 later, you're driving toward King Soopers for the ice cream. You're feeling slightly down, realizing that that could've been 24.132 Starbuck's drinks, but deep inside, you know that you could've ridden your bike the .25 miles, so you've got no one to blame but yourself.

You walk straight to the aisle of frozen dairy treats. You haven't taken more than two steps down the magical aisle, when WHABAM! You lose all faith you ever had in capitalism.

The ice cream cartons are smaller. No, not just smaller; they're puny. Miniscule. Microscopic. Hardly any more than bite size. It's the most depressing scene. Only Private Selection and Blue Bunny are the full 1.75 quarts anymore, and who wants Kroger brand ice cream, or artificially sweetened frozen milk? Nobody. That's who. So you're stuck staring at the sad little containers. And as you carry the mere 1.5 quarts of vanilla fudge swirl to the self-checkout, you know that you'll never be able to forgive Breyer's for such a cruel stunt.

Salt Lake Tribune

Houston Chronicle

Meditation

2008-06-25T22:17:00.000-06:00

I like driving around slightly below the speed limit at night after it's rained with the windows open and the music off.

It's just one of those things.

The Adventures of Chelsey Johnson** [A Work In Progress] PART II

2008-06-17T09:25:00.000-06:00

Notice: If you would like this to make sense, please scroll down and read the first installment first. That's why it's first.

It’s been three years since she moved here. She didn’t like it at first; it was an experience she thought could only exist in movies like Anne of Green Gables, but the open fields of waist high grasses, the free range chickens, the vast blue (sometimes grey) skies, the handsome gentlemen, the lack of electricity and running water, the nice old lady down the road (and the mean old lady up the road), and even the stream behind the house? They are all real…well, except for the handsome gentlemen and the lack of electricity and running water. Her father’s dream of self-sufficiency never went as far as reading by candlelight or searching for fresh water. The boys who were handsome always turned out to be idiots, and the gentlemen were as ugly as a dinner plate of left over meatloaf and soggy green beans.

So, generally speaking, Chelsey lives her life feeling [she assumes] like Scarlet O’Hara, but with strawberry blonde hair and symmetrical eyebrows. (Also, Chelsey lives in the twenty-first century and does not lead a particularly promiscuous lifestyle.)

**Please Note: All names, events, locations, philosophies, etc. within, while based on and solidly supported by my imagination, are entirely fictional for all intents and purposes and may not under any circumstances be used as evidence in a court of law or in any court or interrogation.

The Adventures of Chelsey Johnson** [A Work In Progress] PART I

2008-06-16T18:50:00.000-06:00

Why does my life have to be just like a cross between Anne of Green Gables and Gone With the Wind? Chelsey hated living in a white washed farmhouse with green shutters on each of the twenty-four rectangular windows spaced evenly across the walls of the wooden structure.

Chelsey was, despite (or perhaps because of) her intensely conservative upbringing, your stereotypical rebellious teenaged girl.

On the inside.

Trouble was, she was afraid to show it.

Her father was a retired rocket scientist who, after thirty years in the space business, decided to move his family out to a farm in Oshkosh, Wisconsin in hopes of fulfilling his life long dream to be self-sufficient. And her mother was a semi-retired brain surgeon who worked three days every week at the local clinic down the street.

Chelsey was an only child, and everyone knows that only childs always turn out to be either spoiled rotten good for nothing brats, or quiet, conservative, fiscally successful people who are afraid to disappoint their genius parents by deciding to abandon their comfortable lifestyles for the spiritually free ways of a starving artist.

There is no in between.

But somehow, Chelsey was caught in the middle. She was certain that she had no desire to be anything but a Quantum Physicist. Certain. So she took every science class her high school had to offer. Even Oceanography, which was such a joke, every kid within a five mile radius would double over with laughter at the mention of it.

But it looked good on college applications, so Chelsey was there.

There was no question about it. Chelsey would be valedictorian. She was by far the most dedicated student for miles around. (Other than the exceptional girl named Karen studying Linguistics over at Lawrence University in Appleton, but that's another story.)

Chelsey thoroughly enjoyed school. Sometimes she was there from sunup to sundown. Literally. When she was at school, she had only to focus on unduly emphasized academics such as Chemistry and Calculus. It made life easier for her. At school there was no struggle between who she was and who she wanted to be and who she thought she was and who she thought she wanted to be and who she thought her parents wanted her to be and who they really wanted her to be. And most of all, there were no visible rolling hills or Aspen groves tugging at her suppressed, overactive imagination. There were no wild flowers or galloping horses calling her to put pen to paper. And so all she was forced to think about was the pH of a .001M solution of HCl.

Writer's Block

2008-06-10T16:43:00.001-06:00

Disassembly Uninspired

Car and Driver

2008-06-07T18:13:00.000-06:00

The weird part isn't that there's a shower in the bathroom at work.

It's strange how comfortable a pile of damp towels in the corner and a stack of old magazines next to the toilet can make you. I thought I'd just take a minute to wash my hands. (They were covered in spray adhesive, right.) And the next thing I knew, fifteen minutes had passed.

A few hours later I revisited the bathroom. And:

THE MAGAZINE ON THE TOP OF THE STACK WAS DIFFERENT.

It had been Boating Life April '06 and was now Car and Driver Dec '05.

what.

Now I use the upstairs bathroom.

As if the thought of Ed from advertising sitting on the John reading Car and Driver wasn't graphic enough, I returned from lunch one day to an oddly familiar sound. I could not figure it out.

Moments later, while entering numbers into an Excel spreadsheet, I got this nagging feeling that I was going to be late for school. It turns out that I associate the sound of the shower with Greg making me late for school.

THERE WAS SOME GUY IN THE SHOWER

The weird part is that people use it.

The best time of the day is at 5:04 a.m.

2008-06-02T19:01:00.000-06:00

When the light's still grey and you have 56 minutes before you have to leave the comfort of your bed. When the window's open and the ceiling fan's on and the sun hasn't yet gotten the chance to make the air tropical--it's cool enough that you can just lay there on your back with your arms at your sides and the comforter pulled up to your chin. There's a perfect nest at the center of the feather pillow for your head and you have no desire to move it.

You're not particularly tired, but you just can't find it in you to leave the warmth of the blankets for the shower and the cold tile of the bathroom floor.

So you linger in the limbo between sleep and awake; that dimension made of sudden drops and nearly coherent thoughts.

iPods and Department Stores

2008-05-30T15:24:00.000-06:00

My iPod, Erin, is currently being restored to factory settings. She was formatted for Windows, and must now be reformatted for Mac. And I know that she'll get through it okay, but it's still a very stressful time for me. It's difficult to have to think about the possibility that something might go wrong, and that Erin might be forever scarred as a result. If my house burned down and I could only save one item, I would save my iPod. I almost feel like Erin is a part of me. It was difficult to give up RALF for Erin, after all the times we spent together in the car and at bedtime; during homework and while making brownies. So I can't imagine life without any iPod at all.

Perhaps Erin is just a tangible symbol of my connection to music of all forms. It is a symbol of creation and expression; of my lifelong attachment to performance.

It is for this reason that Erin is my favorite possession.

The only thing I can think of that would be worse than losing my iPod is walking up to automatic doors at a department store and standing there looking at all the people inside and wondering why the doors won't open for me.

Road Rage

2008-05-29T23:51:00.000-06:00

If you ever want to paint a room red, don't do it. Just don't.
It's very nice in theory. But the room ends up being about ten square feet smaller because of all the layers of paint on the walls.

Sometimes I wonder how all the Italian restaurants get their walls to be so perfectly red.

Today, my good buddy Sabrina and I talked to a nice man at WalMart about Hannah Montana. Our conversation went like this:

Nice Man: Do you girls like Hannah Montana?
Me: Eww. No.
Sabrina: Yeah sort of.
Nice Man: (to me) Why not?
Me: Because she was Hannah Montana on TV. But now she tours as Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus, and it's like, hey kid, Hannah Montana is fake.

Nice Man: Yeah I know what you mean. Like Ricky Nelson from back in my day. Hahaha.

Me: Yeah..hahaha

Sabrina: haha

Nice Man: Well I don't mean to hold you up..

Me: Don't even worry about it. We're just painting a room red.

Nice Man: Well recently she was photographed in nothing but a sheet. And apparently a lot of parents were mad about it. I sort of feel bad for her..

Sabrina: Well a lot of little kids watch her show.

Nice Man: That's true. Well have a nice day.

Me: Bye.

Sabrina: Bye.

It was an enjoyable seven or so minutes. Much more so than the conversation I had with the paint guy at Home Depot. I would love to relate the conversation, unfortunately, this is all I've got:

Paint Guy: Do you need paint mixed?

Me: Yes.

Paint Guy: What color?

Me: We're painting a room red. (Shows him paint sample.)

Paint Guy: alknbklsfjlkicv nk

Me: What?

Paint Guy: a;;ixcn ,dnljeowieyhiuahf fajdasja foisdufsadg

Me: What?

Paint Guy: nlsakn suuvx shai fahs haklklllkl

Me: Yes.

Paint Guy: (Walks away)

Me: (Follows)

Paint Guy: $28.95?

Me: Anything cheaper?

Paint Guy: alicja fhaild cncnka eiaheiij

Me: What?

Paint Guy: alkfknv faiie alsjlvkn agcei per

Me: How about the $21.95 one.

Paint Guy: hhama

Me: Okay.

Luckily, I was able to relieve my frustrations in the form of road rage. No. Not really. I'm more passive aggressive when driving. Tail gate me all you want, but good luck merging when your lane ends.

If I Was a Siamese Conjoined Twin Attached at the Brain...

2008-05-26T23:42:00.000-06:00

(I'm the one on the left)

Self Reflection

2008-05-25T16:06:00.000-06:00

I'm enjoying my last two days with my wisdom teeth. And then I'll spend my only week of summer before I start work sitting around with a chipmunk face. I suppose it'll be a good time for self reflection. I've been meaning to take the time to sit down and evaluate where I'm at with my life.

Who knows what conclusions I'll reach. I may end up packing some underwear and leaving for Switzerland--the German speaking area, of course. And I'll ask the first approachable passer-by, "Wo sind die Alpen. Ich will etwas fondue essen." And he'll say, "Sie sind nicht weit von hier. Geh nur ein Kilometer dies weg und die Alpen werden am links sein." And I'll reply, "Danke freundlich Herr. Ich werde für immer in dein Schuld sein." And then i'll walk for a kilometer and the Alps will be on my left. And I'll climb to the top and eat some fondue in a hut. And all my dreams will come true.

In the Beginning

2008-05-24T20:10:00.000-06:00

Okay. So, I'm here because Greatest Journal let too many wannabe writers onto their site and so posting over at GJ is temporarily disabled.

I'm not sure how long this will last or how well it will work. I don't really see why anyone would want to read about the things I do every day, unless of course I have a really awesome day, in which case, I'm not sure why anyone would not want to read about it.

If I end up addicted to Blogger, you can be sure I will update frequently. I'll try my best to be entertaining, but you never know. I may end up repeatedly posting stories like, Today I went to work. It was fun. I had Indian food for lunch. I'm super excited for tomorrow, liek OMGzz!!11!1eleven!!1one. However, for my own sake as much as yours, I'll refrain from including the overused acronyms of the texting world as often as possible. If you're lucky, maybe I'll enjoy this whole experience and post a few pieces I've actually spent some time working on.